Chapter 5- Conversations

"Hayley, it's a sickness. He's all I think about." Julia whispered, motioning her thumb toward the cabin where Jay had gone for more sodas.

"Jules, I think that's normal, right?"

"Well, what about Chess? You think of him like that?"

"Hell, no. He's cool and all, but I have my options open. He's my bud is all."

"But, you sleep with him."

"Sometimes, yeah. And I'll be the first to admit I love that little man, but not like you two got. You got a connection that me and Chess will never have." Hayley said. "And there's nothing wrong with soul mates. I wish I fuckin had one. And Chess knows that. We aren't that deep is all."

"But why sleep together then?" Julia asked. "I don't get it."

"Why do you sleep with him? Why does anyone sleep with anyone?" Hayley shrugged. "But your sex isn't different from mine just cause you went and caught some feelings."

Chess turned toward Hayley. "What the hell, Hayley?" He asked. "You know you love it when I hit that." He lifted up his shirt and rubbed his hand over his nonexistent abs.

"Shut up, skinny boy." Hayley snapped. "Do you have a solid six pack?"

"You trying to make me have a poor body image cause Jay's all ripped?"

"Nope, just grow some." Hayley pointed.

"Alright, whatever, Hayley."

Julia was laughing still from the sight of his skinny waistline, the absence of abs. He looked like a little kid compared to Jay. "Awe, Jules, What are you laughing at?"

"Your belly." She laughed. "I love it. Show me again. " He stood up from the chair, all 5 foot 1 of him. He lifted his shirt, showing off his chest, "Bones." She laughed.

"My bones. " Hayley giggled. "Wanna trade?"

"Umm, no." Julia answered, snapping a shot on her cell of Chess' chest and belly. He stood proudly, giving the cell the finger. She uploaded the pic to Facebook. Chess' face was all cute, his brown hair cropped short. Julia had trouble believing he and Jay came from the same bloodline.

"Ray and Cass look awful cozy over there." Julia observed. Cass had her hair down and was sitting on Ray's lap. They were oblivious to the world around them, talking quietly between themselves.

"I know. That's weird, isn't it? He can't stand her any other day." Chess said, tightening his blanket around his legs. "He's trying to put the moves on her."

"Well, he doesn't have to try real hard. " Jay added as he sat in the chair next to Julia. "She's not the hardest chick to get with."

"You know what, Jay?!" Cass whined.

"What exactly, Cassidy? I speak the truth."

"I like company, Jay. I love guys." She said. " You see guys hitting on different girls all the time and they don't get the scrutiny that a girl gets when she hangs out with a bunch of different guys. It's a double standard."

"It's what it looks like, Cass."

"Well, what the fuck does it look like? Say it."

"It looks like you're a hoe."

"You know what, Jayson, that's bullshit. I flirt. I have fun. You know what, ass hole, there's only one girl at this cabin you gotta worry about. And that's her." Cass yelled at him.

"So, you are an attention whore then?"

"If that's what you think of me, then why'd you invite me along this weekend?"

"He did." Jay argued, pointing at Chess.

"F you, Jayson Keller. F you." She said, seething mad. The anger was building up and Cass was about to blow. "You know I could say some really mean things about you. I can insult you and I could call you a bunch of names, but I won't."

"Cass, I'm sorry."

"And if your feelings toward me don't change then I cannot be your friend anymore. I am sick and tired of you putting me down."

"Cass, meltdown much." Hayley said, cutting her off.

"I can't defend myself? What if he was f'ing with you like he does with me? It'd be a different story then. Right?"

Hayley was quiet. "You know what? We all grew up together. Is that the only reason we're still friends, because of what we used to be?"

Cass stood up and walked silently into the cabin.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." Julia sighed, holding Jay's hand.

"Maybe she's right?" Chess said. "About some of us still being friends because we came up together?"

"I know I'm not as tight with her as I used to be." Jay said.

"It's not just her." Ray announced. "It's all of us, except for Julia. "

"That's not true for me." Hayley added, sticking up for him.

"You know what? I'll go talk to her." Jay announced. He slowly got out of his chair and stared at the cabin. He felt like he had to fix things with Cass.

He went inside and found her in the loft. She'd changed into her pajamas and had her head phones on. Wrapped up in her sleeping bag. She'd been crying, make up had smudged beneath her eyes. He sat cross legged on the floor next to her and tugged the cord so the head phones fell off.

"I think you're right, Cass. We don't spend a lot of time hanging out anymore."

"Jay, I know you have a lot going on and so do I. We just don't have the time for each other anymore. That's cool, but the time that we do spend together you shouldn't spend treating me like I don't matter. I mean what exactly did I do?"

"It bothers me that you act like some kinda whore. "

"It's none of your business, Jay."

"I think it is. I feel like it is cause that's not the girl I grew up with."

"It's not the girl you almost hooked up with." She snapped back at him.

"Is that what this is all about, the reason you don't hang out with us as much? It's Julia."

"I like her, Jay. It's not Julia. It's you. You never gave us a chance at all. You hooked up with her when you were starting something with me." She said softly, tears rolling down her face.

He took her hand, held it tight in his. "I chose my family, Cass. Not her over you. That was when we moved and that was when Tatia came home. " He answered. "Cass, there's a lot you don't know. Cass, it's not that I made a point to say to myself, 'fuck, Cassidy'. There was other stuff that happened at the same time."

"Well, you could have clued me in. You just stopped calling and stopped everything. You fucking dismissed me."

"I love her, Cass. I couldn't do anything with you and be with her at the same time."

"Well, I can't just get over you like you got over me."

"I'm sorry, Cass. I can't keep apologizing for that."

"And when you put me down in  front of everyone like that I feel like screaming. You didn't feel like that when you were with me, holding my hand and hanging out at the field."

"That was then and this is now."

"Well, then, I have every right to move on and try to find someone to fall desperately in love with."

He laughed a bit, leaving go of her hand. "Okay, keep looking. But Ray?"

He stood up and started the descent from the loft to the first floor. At that point everyone else came inside. The fire started to die out and they wanted to play truth or dare. Julia and Jay declined the invitation. They changed into pajamas and climbed the ladder to the loft to hang out with Cass. Jay and Julia went back outside to the campfire.

Julia hunched over the campfire, poking the red, glowing embers with a stick. The warmth radiated off the fire pit, the flames had gone out. Julia was beat, but Jay was wide awake, the cell screen was glowing white on his face as he tried to get a signal. He looked like a ghost. Julia picked up all the trash and tossed it into the fire pit. Empty graham cracker boxes, plastic wrappers from marshmallows, paper plates and plastic silverware, napkins. Jay criticized her, remarking that plastic burning was an environmental hazard. She continued though. "What time is it?" She asked.

"Late" He yawned, looking  up at the black sky above them.

"It's a shame we only had one day here. Jay, I could stay here forever. Isn't this place awesome?"

"We could hunt and live off the land."

"No connection to the outside world."

"We'd have to cause the reception sucks ass up here." He tucked his cell into his pocket. "Ready to go inside?"

"No, can we sleep out here?"

Jay got up and folded the chair he sat on, leaving Julia alone by the fire. He said he's be right back and went in the cabin. A few minutes passed when he returned with their sleeping bags and their pillows from home. He laid out everything beside her and she wrapped up under the sleeping bag as he slipped inside again. He came back with a couple pieces of wood for the fire.

Jay pulled a sheathed hunting knife from the front pocket of his hoodie and tucked it beneath his pillow.

"What's that for?" Julia asked.

"Umm, we're outside. You never fucking know, Julia."

The fire pit started burning small yellow flames again thanks to the logs he'd added. Jay detailed his conversation with Cass. From his point of view, Cass had been a girl he'd hung out with, but for Cass, he'd meant more. He had no idea that she was that attached to him. When they dated, he didn't consider them dating. Cass wasn't overt with her feelings and had she been, then he would have broken things off with her up front and remained just friends. He never had any intention of getting anywhere near serious with Cass. He wouldn't lay beside a fire outside in the cold because Cass wanted to. He'd only do that for Julia. His friends and family saw from the outside the life he lived with his family, they knew the details, but the struggle and the stress, he only shared with Julia. 

He wrapped his arms around her and listened as she fell asleep, enveloped in her warmth and felt that was the only place for him. Julia wasn't a girlfriend or a friend, she was family.