Jay stepped into the morning sun, the white snow only made the surroundings brighter. He stretched for his morning run, focusing his sight on the burned shell of the house at the end of Green Street. The odor of smoke and burnt structure still hung in the morning air. The police tape still hung and it the house had a rent-a-fence around it. It'd been a few weeks since the place burned. Rumor had it that the wreckers were coming in the beginning of the following week.
Jay's run that morning took him to Walmart. He walked the aisles, looking for the lock boxes. Finally asked for help from one of the associates. There were 20 choices and the one he chose cost 25.88. It appeared to have a sturdy lock, which was what he wanted. He stuffed the Walmart bag into his empty back pack once outside then took off for home. He went in his room and reached onto the shelf above his bed. He placed the gun inside a gallon sized zip lock bag, the hunting knife in its sheath that he'd used to take Caleb Downing's life and he placed both weapons inside the lock box. He closed it, locked it and then buried the box a couple feet deep by an evergreen tree in the wooded area at the end of his street.
Julia still had the marble notebooks, the diaries of Caleb as she called them, that outlined his killing spree that spanned 2 decades. She wasn't sure what to do with them yet. They'd taken revenge on him for every victim in that book. But families still mourned them, had no closure, had no bodies to bury. The loss was an open wound every day, wondering and worrying, hoping for the best and fearing the worst. Julia had escaped him. She'd have made it out of that house whether or not Jay had come there to help her or not. She would have survived with or without him. But cutting his throat felt good, felt right. He wanted to do that from the beginning of their strange journey. He thought about it, had gone through the should haves and could haves every day of his life since his identity had been learned, since he made the abduction attempt. If he'd caught him that day, he would have slaughtered him in the street.
Jay set a fire in the pit in Julia's back yard. He tossed the bag of bloody clothing into the flames and he watched it burn as they'd watched the house burn. He watched it till it nearly burned out. If any remnants remained, he doused the smoldering remains with more grill lighting fluid.
Julia came outside in slippers, wrapped in her robe. He put an arm over her shoulder.
"The books, Julia."
"No, not yet." She told him, shaking her head. "I'm still reading them. It fascinates me. He never got to finish mine."
"And he never fucking will." Jay grinned. "Maybe the last chapter in his book can be his own?" Jay suggested.
"Maybe."
"Kids up yet?"
"Sure are." Julia told him. "They're dressed, ready to go."
"Ok. You go get ready. I'll be right in."
The four of them got on two different buses that took them over an hour away to the prison. They went to the visitor area, stuffed their belongings into a provided locker, then stood in line with the other visitors waiting. Jay usually visited alone, but this morning, Karen's birthday, had them up bright and early on a Sunday in a prison line for visitation. Julia was annoyed that this whole ordeal appeared to be taking up their entire morning and wasn't pleased it would take up possibly their whole day. Traveling over an hour on 2 buses with a one year old was not her idea of a fun morning or an exciting weekend.
Their group of visitors waited for the first group of visitors to come out of the room. Julia held onto a cranky Tatia, rocking her till she fell asleep on her shoulder. Jay offered to take her, but Julia told him to leave her be.
As the visitors filed out of the hallway, Tavin passed them. He said hello, said he'd wait for them.
'Great, a whole fucking family reunion'. Julia thought to herself. She hadn't planned on seeing Tavin, hadn't had the chance to mentally prepare herself for their encounter. On the bright side, her relationship with Jayson had solidified since he left. They'd bonded in a way that she and Tavin never could. Jay did for her what Tavin would have never done because the connection was never that strong. A complicated fling, that was all it had been. That is what she told herself.
Their line of visitors filed down the hall to the visitation room. Karen sat at a table waiting for them. She hadn't seen Karen in years. And with any luck she wouldn't see her for years again. When Jay told her he planned to take the kids to visit Karen, Julia was initially against the idea. The decision ultimately had been Jay's.
"My baby." Karen said nervously, reaching for Tatia. Julia was reluctant to let her take the sleeping girl from her. As an outsider in their family drama, Julia felt she didn't deserve to touch her daughter, interact with her at all. Julia felt that she ruined everyone she touched. Why should she be allowed to start with an innocent like Tatia. She hadn't held her daughter since she'd birthed her. 'This is so wrong', Julia thought. The mother-daughter bonding didn't last long. Once transfered from Julia to Karen, Tatia roused after 10 minutes or so. She jumped right back to Julia once she realized a stranger was holding her. Julia said nothing through the visit other than hello. She held the baby and listened as Karen caught up with Alex, as she and Jay spoke. Karen hoped to be released sooner than later. She'd had months clean, was in a program inside the prison for offenders, had enrolled in GED classes and planned on taking her test soon. Karen was fiercely optimistic. Maybe she was changing for the better, but Julia wasn't falling for the act she put on. She hadn't been tested yet, hadn't earned anyone's trust. The time for that would eventually arrive. That's when her true colors would come out.
Before they parted from their short visit, Karen did thank Julia for taking care of her daughter. She was grateful Julia was in Tatia's life. Julia bit her tongue and said 'you're welcome'.
The finally filed out of the visitation room, head back to their locker for their diaper bag and belongings. She put Tatia down, holding her hand on the way out. Tavin waited outside for them. Cue the second family reunion. They caught the bus back to the station where instead of departing their separate ways, the kids demanded lunch and Tavin joined them at McDonald's before getting the next bus back to Maverick.
"You're awful quiet today, Red." Tavin observed.
"She doesn't want to be here." Alex said, chewing on his chicken nugget.
"Why not?" Tavin asked.
"She doesn't like my mom." Alex answered.
"Alex, I never said that."Julia told him.
"She was against me bringing the kids to see her." Jay offered.
"They're her kids. Why not?"
"Not now, thank you." Julia smiled at Tavin.
"Julia feels like she's Tati's mom. She has separation issues."
"Jayson, I am aware of who her mother is." Julia told him.
"And you're scared that letting them see her will do what?" Tavin asked.
"I'm on the losing end of this conversation and I choose not to entertain the two of you with an argument about mommy. Maybe the baby doesn't need mommy issues."
"Julia, she was born with them." Tavin shrugged.
"It doesn't have to be that way. Look into your past while I prefer to look into her future."
"Shit, Jules, really." Jay said disappointed. "What's so bad about us?"
"Right now? Nothing." Julia argued. "You want her coming up like you two? I know she's your mom, but I also know what you have told me. I don't like thinking that my girl here may face the same future."
"We wouldn't let that happen to her. I didn't let it happen to him." Jay argued.
"What happened to you two?" Alex asked, pushing away his empty nugget container.
"And we agree to disagree." Julia sighed. "Not here and not now, I told you."
"Jay, I have to take a pee." Alex announced.
Jay got up from the table and escorted his brother to the bathroom.
Tavin looked at Julia pensively, "Your girl. You think she's your girl."
"Fuck you, Tavin."
"I didn't mean it to be smart, Red." He explained. "I get where you're coming from. You been taking care of her since she was born. You're trying to protect her. I get it."
"I feel like she's mine and I know she's not. I love her is all. And she deserves something different."
"Julia, I know that. I understand you don't want her in potentially harmful situations. She's got people that will keep her from that. You will keep her from that."
"Yes, I will. And just because I didn't push her through my vagina doesn't mean I love her any less. I have been her mom for a year. And I think that I should have some say. When I'm over ruled because I have no blood connection hurts my fucking feelings." She paused. "It's as much about me as it is about her."
"I miss you, Red." Tavin sighed. "Are you sure there's no way that-."
"I'm sure, Tavin."
"You don't miss me at all, Red? Are you sure?" He reached across the table, touching her hand, Linking his pinkie finger around hers. "Jay told me what you said, when you and him were at Mr G's. That shit wasn't about that stalker of yours, was it?"
Julia thought back to that night in Mr G's shop.
-"I have been fighting against it. I am trying my hardest. But he's there. He's in my mind all the time. Even though he's away right now, he's still there. I feel him when I move, Jay. I feel him touching me. I feel him on me."
-"He wants me with him. And if it wasn't for you I would be. I'd be with him, doing things with him that blow my mind to think of. He'd have me in his arms, he'd have me close to him. He'd. Have. Me. Every part of me. It's like I am tied to him. It scares me..."
-"You'd give your life for me and I take it for granted. What kind of fucking girl, girlfriend am I, Jayson?"
"He told you about that?" She gasped.
"Yeah, I know you were going through it." He nodded, releasing her pinkie and sliding his hand away from hers. "But it had nothing to do with your stalker, right?" Jay and Alex arrived back to the table before she could answer. Jay, saving her again.
They separated at the bus station when their bus arrived to go home to Maverick. They left Tavin physically, but thoughts of him still lingered in her mind the rest of the way home.
*** *** *** ***
Tavin stood at the spot where the bus had been. He watched it drive away, carrying his family and the girl he felt drawn to. The beautiful red head girl who melted his heart. He pulled his pack of cigarettes from his pocket, lit one then tucked the pack back in his bag. He sat on a bench, waiting for his own bus to arrive, waiting to return to Pittsburgh. Hours on a bus riding in the opposite direction from the girl he wanted so badly. His brother's girl.
He still sat on the bench an hour later, watching his bus ride away without him.
*** *** *** ***
Julia went home after returning from the bus station. She had a pile of homework and had to catch up on all the extra credit her teachers had given her. She'd fallen so far behind this trimester at school and had started to dig out from under the mess she'd created for herself.
She still sat at the kitchen table working on the lap top and eating pizza when her dad bid her goodbye as he left for work. He hoped it'd be a slow night, hoped he could close the bar early. He gave her a kiss on her forehead and left. She texted back and forth with Jay while she wrote her paper. One of three she had to complete by the end of the week.
A message alert beeped on her phone.
-But it had nothing to do with your stalker, right?- the message read. Tavin. She ignored the message, placing the phone on her table, and going back to her lap top. A moment later she heard a knock at the front door. She peeked through the kitchen doorway, looking toward her front door.
She opened the door, pulling him inside, giving him a hug. She didn't let him go, hugging him all the way inside her house.
"It had nothing to do with your stalker, right?" He asked again, dropping his backpack and pulling off his coat. She held onto him, backing through the living room to her bedroom.
Julia started crying as he pulled her pajama bottoms down. She kicked them off as he unzipped his jeans, pushing them below his ass. They lay on her bed, pushing folded clothes and marble notebooks to the floor. He pushed inside her and she felt sweet release. They made love, only coming up for air and a drink when out of breath and sweaty.
They lay in the darkness of her room, his hands roaming her body, touching her and rubbing her as they spoke. Her hands exploring his body as well.
"Julia, please don't cut me out of your life."
"I won't." She assured him. "I won't again, Tavin. I swear to you I will not."
"I fucking miss you, talking to you. I been going crazy too, Julia. I never felt like this before with anyone. And I know how things are. But please don't reject me." He whispered, nestling his head into her hair and shoulder.
"I went crazy, Tavin. I lost focus on everything and everyone. I wanted to call you and talk to you. I love your brother though."
"Leave with me, Julia. Now. Pack a bag, take my hand and walk away with me. I need you. I want this all the time."
"I can't fit into your life there, Tav. Where would we live? How would we live?"
"I don't know."
"I can't leave them. I love them."
"But I love you."
"Tav, please, don't do this to me." She sighed, tears filling her eyes.
"No, I won't. Please don't cry, Red." He asked of her. "That's not why I came here. I wanted to see you happy and smiling. I need you, Red. I can't explain it. I don't wanna explain it. I'll do whatever you ask me to do, ok? However you want this, I'll take it. If you want it all the time, or every once in awhile. I won't push you or force you. But I need to see you. I need you to talk to me and be in my life."
Tavin's fingers penetrated her, "You can't make a man fall in love and then take it away just like that, just like it never fucking happened." Julia pulled away from him, moved her hips so his fingers were not inside of her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Stop. Please don't touch me there. Wait a minute."
He sounded like Caleb at that moment, possessive, his fingers forceful.
"Julia, what did I do? I been touching you there since your clothes came off. I love touching you." He said, but kept his hands away from her like she'd asked. "You love when I touch you."
Julia caught her right state of mind, easing closer to him, spreading her legs apart like they had been. "You're right. I do. Just got a little freaked out for a minute. That's all."
"What's bothering you?"
"I can't, Tavin."
"You can tell me anything, Julia."
"It has to do with my stalker."
"That ass hole. What about him?" He asked.
"Well, he's gone."
"Yeah. I Know . He left after he killed the hooker. You guys told me he killed her. Fuckin psycho."
"Did Jay tell you anything about him since he left? Cause I haven't talked to you."
"Julia, could you stop this and just tell me what you wanna tell me. Jay told me nothing."
Julia started opening up, telling Tavin the story from their date at the Square to the fire.
"So, you got away from him, but you still killed him and burned down the house?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Cause he deserved it."
"Where's the gun and the knife?"
"In the bottom of Shades Lake."
"And the clothes?"
"Burned them."
"The books and the box you took?"
"I have them here."
"Why are you keeping them?"
"I want to read them. Look at them. He documented everything he did to everyone."
"So he has you in those books too?"
"Yeah."
"You need to get rid of them too. Anything that ties you to him."
"No one's missing him, Tav,"
"But if someone found them in here, then what?"
"Then it's found." Julia shrugged. "That may be why I'm saving them. So if we actually wind up getting in trouble, then I can at least make it right for the others that died."
"So Jayson would take the fall for all this?"
"Absolutely not, no. We'd both own up to it. From the beginning we said if and when the time comes, then we would both own up to what we did."
"You're sure there's nothing left behind? No link."
"I can't think of anything, no. And I spend a lot of time thinking about it."
"Who else knows?"
"Just the four of us that were there and you."
"Wow," Tavin said. "That's crazy. I'm sorry that happened to you, but what you guys did was just wrong, Julia. You were out and free."
"We feel it was the right thing to do at the time, Tavin. You weren't there."
"He really cut his throat?" Tavin asked, shaking his head.
"I know it's a lot to process, Tav."
"Process? Julia, that's insane."
"It's not like we go around killing random people all the fucking time, Tavin."
"I need to see Jayson." He said, getting up.
"Wait, you're gonna tell him you know?"
"I said I need to see my brother." He told her sternly.
"He's gonna be pissed at me, Tav, and -"
"No he won't."
"How are you gonna explain why you're here?"
"Because I got off a fucking bus and came to see my brother. I'll tell him you told me in confidence. He knows we talk, Julia."
"I shouldn't have said anything at all." She mumbled, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Julia, stop it." He told her. "Do you trust me?"
"Yes,"
"Cause if you didn't trust me, you wouldn't have even told me, right?" He leaned over her, kissing her forehead. "I love you, too, y'know."
"I know." She nodded, still crying. He left her room and she followed him, pulling her blanket around her. "Tavin, there's...there's...more."
"What, Red? How much more fucked up could this get?"
"Tav, he has...had a truck."
"A truck, like a vehicle?" He asked, pulling on his coat. He put his back pack over his shoulder.
"Jesus Christ, Julia. Did you get rid of that too?"
"Fuck. Tavin, we can't fucking drive."
"You can kill a guy and burn down a house, but you won't move a truck because you don't have a license?"
"No, we can't drive. We don't know how to drive. As in, we never drove anything. As in we'd cause an accident. As in we don't know how to drive."
"Get yourself together. We'll be back. As in you smell like sex, as in your bed smells like sex, as in I spent three hours making you cum."
She laughed. "Like you don't smell like pussy? How about you scrub up before you leave? I'll get the room cleaned up."
Julia went in her room and pulled the black box from beneath the bed. She brought it to the living room and set the box in front of them. She sat next to Jay on the couch and she opened the box. Tavin stood by the door, listening. Julia pulled out the contents. A digital camera with a memory card. Keys. Old family pictures. And a keepsake from each person he'd ever killed, angels and whores alike. He kept very accurate records, describing each trinket and its meaning to the person he'd taken it from. Julia's bandana was still inside the box, she'd refused to place it back in her room with the bear that usually held it. She didn't feel as though it belonged to her anymore. It belonged to one of his victims. She refused to be one of his victims.
She held the keys up. "This is our only fucking problem."
"What the fuck?" Jay said annoyed.
"It's the only link to him being here."
"Fuck my life." Jay moaned.
"How do you think he got here from Jersey, Jay? Walk? Fly? Bus?"
"Fuck, Julia. Fuck."
"Hey, calm down. I know where the truck is Jay."
"Where is it? How do you know?"
"It's the only vehicle on Fourth Street with Jersey plates." She shrugged, "And the key opens the door."
"I'll take the truck and drive it home, over the Ohio state line. I'll park it somewhere and walk away." Tavin announced.
"No, it's too risky. If you get caught-"
"Caleb drove that fucking truck around with a dead body in it. He drove it all the way here. What's a few more miles? In a city like Pittsburgh or even in Ohio, Jay, anyone could have driven it there and left it. Once it's clean, too, no prints no nothing. Some guy will get his truck back."
"You have a record. If you leave one print, you're screwed." Jay argued. "Jules, why did you tell him all of this? Why did you involve him? You didn't even ask me what I thought-"
"Jay, brother, she's trying to help. She's trying to tie up loose ends." Tavin told him. "Do you even have any idea the amount of jail time you two are facing?"
"I killed him to save her."Jay said defiantly.
"Let's say you get away with that. But the arson? Cause you couldn't make him any more dead than dead."
"They can't prove a fucking thing. Every bit of evidence has been burned. There's no witnesses." Jay said.
"Give me the keys, Red." Tavin held out his hand.
"No, this is crazy." Jay yelled.
"Give him the keys, Red." Tavin pointed at Jay. Julia handed him the keys. "Go get rid of the truck, Jay."
Jay thought quietly. He then tossed the keys to Tavin.
Jay stood up from the couch. "If he gets caught, it's your fault."
"I don't have a good excuse, Jay. It just came out."
"Why don't you just call the paper and tell them? Or the news? Or CNN?" Jay said angrily.
He began pacing the floor in the living room, then sat in the chair, ran his hands through his hair. He pulled the hair tie from his wrist, pulled his hair back and put it up. He covered his face and leaned back in the chair.
"I wanna run away. For the first time in over a year I wanna disappear. Put some shit in a bag and when I run, I want to leave. I Can't believe this. It's like a bad fucking dream and I just wanna wake the fuck up."
"What did he say to you?"
"What?" He pulled his hands away from his face and looked her in the eye. "Hey, brother. Red says you cut a guy's throat."
"Oh, shit."
"He comes right out with stuff. He doesn't beat around the bush." Jay said annoyed. "How often do you two have conversations? How much does he know about us? Are you like deep and shit with him like you are with me cause that, Julia, that was some pretty private fucking information."
"But he's family."
"Julia, your dad is family. I don't see you telling your fucking dad."
"I thought it'd be ok, Jay."
"I am two houses down, if you need to talk about this. I never fucking sleep. Never fucking sleep. You think I didn't sleep before, I think I sleep even less now.I fucking killed someone, whether that someone deserved it or not. I took a life. And if I have anything to say about it I tell you. I don't get on the phone and tell my brother."
"If I could have got to the gun, I would have done it myself. "
"You were running the opposite direction of the gun, Julia. You were running away. "He reminded her. "When is this going to be over in our minds? I think about it more, not less. Is it ever gonna be easier? Is it ever gonna be not the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night? It's never gonna be over is it? Killing him only created it. We convinced ourselves that it would be done with his last breath and it's not. This is only the beginning."
"Don't say that."
"Don't tell me what to say and what not to say. You're the one who gets to have all these 'feelings'. You get to feel whatever you wanna feel and tell people whatever you wanna tell. It's not just your story, Julia. We shared this disaster. We share the blame, we share the guilt." He complained. "What the hell were you thinking telling Tavin? I don't understand it. I just don't get it, Julia. It was none of his business. Now you got him involved. He didn't volunteer for this like I did. He's fucking innocent and you made him just as guilty as the rest of us."
"It wasn't my intention. None of this was my intention, Jayson. We all made choices that night."
"Telling my brother was not a decision I got to make. But he understands. God, he understands, and I felt better after I talked to him."
"What does he understand? How could he possibly understand?"
"Ask him."
"I got a call from Chess tonight. This weekend we need to deal with Hayley."
"What's wrong with Hayley? I talked to Hay today. She's fine."
"She's not fine. None of us is fine, except for Chess. Chess is Chess. He's the only one of us not being eaten alive by this."
Julia was quiet, listening to him talk. He talked himself asleep.
Julia waited till lunch time to call. He never had and she was starting to worry about him. She pressed call and on the 5th ring he answered.
"Red, you owe me one." Tavin mumbled half asleep when he answered his phone.
"Oh, God, I was scared something happened to you." She said relieved to hear his voice. "It would have been my fault and-"
"I'm fine. You at school?"
"Yeah. I'm so glad to hear your voice."
"Well, find a bathroom and take a pic for me. I got morning wood like you wouldn't believe."
"Well, I do owe you one." She said quietly. "Gimme a few minutes."
"I love you, Red."
"I know, Tav. Thanks so much."
Once she had the pic, she sent it to Tavin with a caption-'can't wait to see you'. For the hell of it, she sent it to Jay too.
Hayley had started to fall apart. She broke down regularly, she cried for no reason. She was a nervous wreck. Chess told Jay he couldn't deal with her anymore. She was paranoid that the cops were going to suddenly kick in the door and take her away in cuffs. Jay saw her everyday at school. She looked fine to him. But as Julia testified, looks can be deceiving. We all walk around appearing fine, but inside is what no one sees. Chess got to see the inside. Even though Hayley swore there was nothing to them other than friendship, they were in a relationship. And when Chess worried, it meant something, cause he usually let stuff roll off him easy.
"They don't know anything." Jay said. "They asked their questions and no one saw anything."
"No one really cares either." Chess shrugged.
"It's all over the news though." Hayley said nervously.
"They think he's a transient. He was up there out of the cold with his space heater that set the place on fucking fire for Christ sake. He was charred beyond recognition. They don't even know who the person was let alone how he properly died." Julia assured her.
"They could be making it up. I saw it on Law and Order. They put out a fake news story to catch the real killer." Hayley added.
"You're over thinking this, Hay." Jay groaned. "Remember, you guys weren't even there that night, ok. Y'all had nothing to do with it."
"But the blood, his head-I keep seeing it in my mind." Hayley told them.
"Hayley, did you kill him?"
"No."
"Did you set the fire?"
"No."
"Then you're fine. Whatever you're feeling is normal I guess. But he was going to kill me. He was going to do it again after me. He did it before me to how many girls? Girls just like you. He tortured girls our age."
"He wasn't feeling any shame or guilt about that, was he?" Chess asked.
"He was a psychopath."Hayley said. "I'm not. That's the difference. He was incapable of feeling anything. But I am capable."
"Had he targeted you would you be feeling the same way?" Julia asked, annoyed. "You woulda died there. You woulda given up and just taken it."
"No. I would have fought him, too." Hayley cried.
"Well, you weren't the one he dragged down the street to meet your maker. You weren't the one he hit or held a gun to, were you? So you can take your guilt for that fucking loser and shove it."
"But the dreams, I can't sleep."
"You think you're the only one having a nightmare? Try living one. I see him in my dreams and I think about him too. I feel him on me, touching me. You have a choice, you come out stronger or you come out weaker."
Julia was angry and annoyed. Hayley was the weak link in their chain. There always had to be one person that starts to falter. And of all people it was Hayley. Julia left the living room and went outside. She'd said everything she could think of to release Hayley from any kind of blame. She and Jay would take full responsibility if the time came.
Hayley didn't trust that and Julia was baffled at the idea of her shame and dissent. Did she just need to talk it out or did she need more? Hayley not only worried for herself , she worried for all of them. Her doubts and her fears at that time were irrational. There was no rational in anything that had happened over the last few months.
"Jules, she's just scared. She'll come around. Don't worry about her ok?"
"She's making what happened to me irrelevant. I don't take that lightly Jayson. She saw me that night. I remember what was going through my head. I had bruises on me and marks around my wrists and ankles. There's no doubt in my mind what my fate would have been. I have been reading those diaries and I know what he would have done. I feel no guilt and I feel no shame." Julia told him, her body shuddering at the memories she drudged up. "I don't stop thinking about it. It's in my head all the time. I have gone over it 100 times and each time I do I feel I did the right thing. We made the right choices. Maybe the fire was a little overboard, but I was not thinking normally."
"I wanted to kill him from day one." He added. "I am with you 100% on this, babe."
"He fucking violated me...not any of you, he violated me."
"But who can she talk to about this? No one. It's just us. So when she needs to get that shit outta her head, we need to listen. If we turn our back on her, get angry and start lashing out at her, she'll turn on us. I don't want that and neither do you."
"But it hurts Jay. I am trying to see it from her side, but I am biased." Julia shrugged. "That night I asked if we were on the same page, all of us. And we all answered yes. We all agreed."
"Maybe if she saw the notebooks? You won't even show them to me. Would it be so bad if-"
"It's evil, Jay. The pictures alone...it's mind boggling."
"There's pictures?"
Julia took him by the hand and led him back inside. He sat in his spot on the floor at the coffee table as Julia retrieved the notebooks from her room. She placed them in front of everyone and sat down next to Hayley. Julia opened the one specific diary to Amanda.
"He buried her near the cabin. I'm not sure where exactly. Her name was Amanda Gallagher and she was from Maryland. She was a Christian. She led a simple life, catholic school, and devoted her time to her church. She led an abstinence group, a prayer group for Christ sakes. When she wasn't at the church, she worked with the homeless, feeding them or helping cloth them. That's where he found her. He was in line at the food kitchen, waiting to be served. He started a conversation with her about being down on his luck, so she invited her to the church to get closer to God. Amanda's body was in the truck when he followed us from the rest stop to the cabin. He was in those woods, watched me and Jay fuck in the woods. He watched us overnight there and he stole the pink bandana I wore it in my hair that day. He was that close to us." Julia paused to turn a page in the book. "These are her pictures." Julia said, her voice sad and a tear fell on the page as she turned it. "Her alive. Her with him. She's tied up. She's scared and crying. She begged to be let go. And she prayed while he raped her. He followed her first. Pictures of her at church, with her abstinence group. She was a virgin. That's her nude, he posed her in all kinds of positions." Julia said, pointing at the pictures he'd taped to the pages of the marble notebook. "When he didn't have a victim with him, he jerked off to these pictures. These girls are his angels. He releases them from earth, meaning he kills them. That's how they become his angels."
Julia flipped a few pages ahead, through the pictures of Angel Amanda touching herself, Amanda with his dick in her mouth. The last picture was of Amanda lifeless and laying in his bed. "He always breaks their necks. Then he 'makes love' to them after they're dead."
Julia skipped to Susie-Q. They were familiar with Susie's story. "She wasn't an angel. She was a whore, so she's separate. A man has needs. And she was simply there to serve those needs until he was done with her. She even tried to go along with his needs, playing along with what he wanted. Didn't work out though."
"Angel Julia. My pictures. Me and Jay. Me and Tatia. At the square that day when I saw him. He'd been following me for awhile. The whole time he was across the street. He liked taking pictures of me and Jay. Us, making out. Us, holding hands. When you think no one's looking...Me, in my room. I must have let my blind up that night...I was sleeping. Me in my robe after my shower. Me and Jay having sex."
Julia flipped through some of the handwritten pages, he documented what she did and when and with whom.
"After he killed Susie he went to Jersey. He had to get away from here. Too many cops asking questions. While in Jersey, he killed again, dumped her at the beach." Julia slid away from the notebooks and the coffee table. She crawled across the floor to Jay, sitting in his lap. The three of them scanned the books, reading and looking at pictures. The silence was deafening. Every once in awhile she heard a gasp or someone would say 'ugh', 'oh, my God'. They each took a personal tour through Caleb Downing's depraved mind.
Julia collected all the notebooks and returned them to her room. They looked mortified.
"I know it's a lot to take in." She said, understanding what they couldn't imagine. Hayley curled herself up around Chess and cried. Julia said nothing more. Let her cry. Let her be. The girls in Caleb's notebook's deserved tears. They deserved to have someone think about them and mourn them. Hayley needed to mourn them, his victims, his angels instead of the man that dealt their fate.
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