They got a few hours sleep, curled up together in Jay's bed with the pedestal fan on them. Jay woke up early as usual. When he moved over top of her to get out of bed, she stopped him. She pulled him close to her, opening her legs and allowing him to fall between them. Jay shimmied his shorts down and gave her what she obviously had wanted all night. He'd been laying in bed with a hard on all night practically as he waited for her to give in. It had to be her, because Jay wasn't playing games with her. He wasn't going to beg for it. He wasn't going to be her bitch either. If they were even close to getting back together it'd be on his terms, the way he wanted. He was done being complacent with her. Jay fucked her hard and fast. She only wanted it more. Each thrust she met him with her hips, grabbed his ass to pull him into her. After he came, he pulled out of her, and even though everything in him told him not to do it, he put his hand on her throat.
"You give my pussy away again, I will kill him and then I'm coming after you." Based on their history together, there wasn't a doubt in his mind she believed him.
With that being said, he got out of bed and went upstairs to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror as he brushed his hair and pulled it into a pony tail. 'I can't believe I fucking said that. She probably thinks I'm crazy now'. Jay said to himself. He wondered if she left? Did she put her clothes on and run, because he threatened her outright and said it with no shame or guilt. He didn't care if she had a stalker in the past or not, didn't care if he was reminiscent of that stalker or not. It was what he felt at the moment. It was what he felt all along.
Jay checked on the kids who slept soundly and peacefully in their beds. He went back downstairs. He picked up her phone, unplugging it from the charger. He intended on looking through it, but got stopped by the lock screen. He took the phone to her where she lay in his bed. He ordered her to take the lock off then hand it back to him. Jay went through her text messages. Nothing with Tavin dating back a month. Same with facebook. He placed the phone in her hand. "Take the lock off and delete everything. Messages, pictures. Everything. Delete him from your facebook, twitter, everything. You will never speak to him again."
Jay got up and left the room, removed his phone from the charger and went outside. He took the last of his joint with him. sitting on the back step, he dialed Tavin's number.
"Jay?" He mumbled sleepily.
"I want you to know that I forgive you. It's what I want from Julia and what I want from Chess. I can't ask them to forgive me and not forgive you."
"Thanks, Jay."
"I want you to know that if you screw my girl again I will cut your fucking heart out and make her watch."
Julia stepped outside and took a hit off the joint Jay handed her. Jay ended the call.
"You some kinda bad ass now?" Julia asked, straddling his lap.
"I call it like I see it. That's all." He answered, taking the joint and hitting the last of it.
Jay stretched in the back yard in the morning sun. Julia watched him, enjoying the view, the tightening of abs, the V at his waistline, triceps, biceps and pecs flexing as beads of sweat formed on his flesh. "Jay, I was thinking."
"Yeah, about?"
"Remember what you said to me this morning?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Did you mean it?"
He looked at her as he tucked his phone into his armband. "Yes, I did."
She descended the few steps to where he stood with his head phones in his hands. Julia grabbed him by his shorts, his balls in her hand. He flinched. "That goes both ways." She released him from her grip then kissed him on his formerly broken nose.
Julia left after Jay returned from his run. The kids were up, dressed for the day and fed. All their laundry was put away. She got a cup of coffee at Mr G's while she waited on the bus to take her home. She got a call from Tavin and of course she answered it.
"What the fuck, Red? Did you really get back with him?"
"I did, yes."
"Has he lost his fucking mind? Calling me like that?"
"At least he called you. He's angry."
"How could you get back with him?"
"I love him, Tavin."
"Red, he fucked your best friend for how long before you found out?"
"And I fucked you, so...your point is?" Julia paused. " How could I have been so fucking stupid messing with you? I fucked up whatever I have with Jay. I wish I had never met you. All you are is a piece of fucking ass. End of story. Lose my number, Tavin." Julia hung up and deleted the call. She got her bus home.
Andy waited for her when she got home.
"I didn't get you out of bed to get you back in his, Julia." Andy yelled at her.
"You don't know what I have done or haven't done. Why do you care anyway?"
"You're in a mood." He told her. "Think getting laid, you'd be happier."
"It's not perfect. It never was, Andy. You only see from the outside in."
"I see it from your side not the outside." He argued. "I saw the way you were because of what he did. I saw you wanting to die. You were supposed to be with the kids."
"I was with the kids."
"And the first chance you get you run right back to him? You don't need someone that'll hurt you and cheat on you."
"There's more to it than that." Julia told him. "I am tired of this. I don't wanna do it anymore. I shouldn't have to deal with your shit, Andy. Look, I appreciate you worrying about me. But I am a big girl. I got this." Julia went inside the house, into their living room.
"You got this, Julia? You're pathetic. Going back to him after what that ass hole did."
"Shut up, Andy." Julia yelled.
"You shut up. You're stupid. You don't have any self respect. He'll do it again and maybe next time it won't be your best fucking friend."
"You know nothing. You live with me and you don't know shit. You only know what's going around."
Ellen and Cal came into the living room to separate them.
"Then what is it? I'm confused."
"You're a fucking wanna be. That's your problem. You think it's so pretty and fun and cool from the fucking outside.You think you're messed up, you have no idea. It's not fun. It's not cool."
"Julia, stop it." Ellen said.
"You all have no idea. You all are clueless."
"Clue us in." Cal ordered.
Julia was so angry she was fifty shades of red. She wore her emotions and her moods on her sleeve. She could never be calm, cool and collected thanks to her Irish heritage. There was no masking her anger. She felt cornered by the 3 of them.
"Quit defending him, Julia!" Andy shouted.
"Honey, it's ok. He's not what you thought he would be. He's not the perfect person. There's nothing to be ashamed of." Ellen tried soothing her.
"Ugh!" Julia screamed. Now she was crying on top of it all. "I had sex with his brother." Julia screamed. She paced the floor, hands running through her hair, pushing it away from her face. "We slept together. When that asshole was stalking me I turned to his brother. We started a friendship and then it went too far." Julia cried. "Jay found out about it, us."
"He lives in Pittsburgh, doesn't he?" Ellen asked.
"New Years. At the party you had?" Andy asked.
"Party? What party?" Dad asked."You had a New Years party?"
"Of course, I did. Andy was there." Julia answered.
"If those walls could talk." Ellen mumbled sarcastically.
"You have no idea." Julia agreed. "So, if you all think I am down there crying over Jay and his actions, then you're crazy. It's been a bad God damn year."
The room was quiet. Everyone stood uncomfortably. Julia sensed they all wanted to leave, like they'd never heard anything at all.
"Hey, Andy. I am sorry I called you a wanna be."
"Anything else you'd like to confess to?"
"Other than the bank robberies and the prostitution and the drug dealing?" Julia joked. "Seriously, I think that sums it up."
"You think this is no big deal? Your behavior?"
"Dad, they're my problems not yours. You have nothing to do with any of it."
"You're my daughter, which make this my problem."
"What exactly is 'this'? The sex is no secret. You've known about me and Jay since the beginning. And to be honest you've been running around getting your dick wet as much as me and Jay have."
"Julia-"
"Ellen, we can hear you." Julia interrupted. "We aren't deaf. And when you're fucking over the sink in the kitchen, do you even realize it's above my head? Look, all I'm saying is you can't start worrying now over what you didn't worry about then."
"Yes, I can. I am your dad."
"Ok, whatever." Julia huffed. She walked away from them.
Julia walked the Square, waiting for Jay and the kids. She was early on purpose. She'd passed the store a bunch of times, Silver Linings. A store dedicated to everything Christian and angel related. Pictures, clothes, candles, books, even a cross or two. She went inside, the store reeked of incense, but it was cool air on her hot skin. The owner stood behind the counter, reading. The place had a few customers milling about. Julia wasn't there to shop, however.
"May I help you?" The middle aged lady asked. Her dyed blonde hair falling in her eyes. She swiped it away from her sight, looking over glasses at her.
"I looked on line, but couldn't find where to fill out an application. I saw the sign in the window a few times."
"Why do you want to work here?" The lady asked.
"I don't want to work at McDonald's." Julia answered honestly. "And the window always looks so serene. All those angel sculptures and statues are...well...comforting, peaceful."
"What's your name? Where have you worked before?"
"Julia Fry and I never worked before. Unless you count taking care of kids."
"I'm Rachel. Fill this out." Julia filled out a couple slips of paper, her personal information then handed it back to Rachel. She looked over the papers. "Good. Come back in the morning. 10am."
"Ok. Thank you."
Julia walked to the park at the end of the Square feeling quite elated. She'd never had a job before. Rachel must have liked her, she thought. Julia sat in the grass at the park entrance. Soon she was tackled by Tatia. They let the kids run toward the park. Julia told him she got a job at Silver Lining. She didn't know how much it paid or what her hours would be, but she had a job. She was excited. She'd make some money, it would give her something to do.
"That's great, Jules. A job is good. I wish I could work more." Jay said.
"How's your grandmom today?"
"Still on the ventilator. Still under, in her coma." Jay answered, fidgeting with the grass beneath his hands. "What if she doesn't get better? I mean I live with her. Sandy said we gotta go back with her regardless. She's tired of watching the kids everyday so I can work. My sitter doesn't live next door anymore you know."
"I heard the sitter moved." Julia laughed. "Have you been to see her?"
"No, what am I gonna do for her now? I revived her. Wasn't that enough?"
"Take a life, spare a life, Jayson. That's good karma."
Jay looked at her, knowing what she meant. It balanced in her mind. One evil eradicated and one mean bitch spared. Julia saw that as a win-win.
Julia started working at the shop 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. While Rachel did the books and ordered stock, working the business end of her store, Julia worked the register and assisted customers. When it was slow in the shop, Julia would restock and add price stickers. Sometimes she could sit and read at the counter. It was a calm and quiet shop, but the incense that burned turned her stomach at times. At one point she vomited in the trash can behind the counter. Rachel urged her to go home, but Julia opted not to. "I'll be ok. It's the incense. It makes me gag. I'm sorry, Rachel, but it does."
"Why didn't you say something then?" Rachel asked, putting out the incense.
"Your store, it's your incense."
"Find a candle off one of the shelves that smells pretty and we'll light that. You should have said something. You've been here a month and I don't want you gagging while you work."
Julia chose a candle scented like vanilla. Despite that pretty aroma, she was still nauseated. She kept her mouth shut though. She wanted her job. The longer the day went on, the better she felt.
After work, Julia went to Jay's house, helping him pack up his things. His grandmother had made little progress, couldn't be weaned from the ventilator. She had a permanent tube in her throat and one that fed her through her stomach. The hospital had transferred her to a rehab facility in Oaks. Sandy had been left with the job of resettling three kids and assumed responsibility for her medical care. The three had already moved back into Sandy's but the house needed to be broken down, packed up. All the stuff they weren't keeping needed to be donated or trashed. Jay took the kids there in the afternoons and split everything up, sorted everything into piles. He sold everything he could, had yard sales, and pocketed every dollar he earned doing so. Anything that stood still he sold.
Julia laid down on Jay's bed with Tatia for her afternoon nap. Even though she was long out of the store, she was still sick. Wondering if she had a summer flu in fact as she vomited in the toilet after she got up.
"You ok?" Jay asked from his chair in the front yard. A few people picked through the stuff he had on the front lawn. He waited on a guy to get his grandmother's china closet, which he'd sold on Craig's list.
"I feel like crap. I thought it was the store and that rank incense Rachel burns. Then I thought it was this awful heat. How do you sit in it?"
"I like it." He answered. "So what's wrong with you?"
"I don't know, but that nap didn't really help. I'm still tired. I feel wretched."
"Go lay back down. I got the kids."
"Where's the swing set? Did you sell that?"
"No. I took it apart and put it back together at Sandy's. Sorry, I forgot to tell you."
"That's ok. At least you didn't sell it."
"It's so old no one would want it. Other than scrap metal."
"We have a lot of memories on that thing, Jay."
"True. True."
Jay sold the last item of the day and moved his left over stuff that didn't sell back into the house. The man arrived from Craig's list and he and Jay moved the China closet to his truck. Jay got 100$ just for that old thing alone.
Sandy came and picked up the kids before dinner, taking them home. The cupboards were bare at the house and what they did have there was snacks Jay brought from Sandy's. Jay counted up his earnings and then handed it off to Julia to put in her bag. She stashed his money at her house. He didn't know what he was saving for, but it was money he felt he deserved. He found Julia laying in his bed again after Sandy left.
"Hey, are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm ok. Is it time for you to go yet?"
"Almost. I'm gonna get some weed and I'll be over after work." He answered. He handed her a water bottle.
Julia sat up on the side of his bed. She drank half the bottle of water, then got up to walk to work with him. She gave him a hug. "We have some time before work."
"You gonna vomit or fall asleep on me?" He laughed.
"I'll try to control myself."
When Jay got to her house after work, he entered through the basement door. He had to wake her up. Every time he saw her lately she was sick or asleep. They went outside and laid in the grass at the far end of the yard. Jay lit the joint they shared. The weed helped with her nausea on the days she didn't have to work, but on the days she did work, she wouldn't smoke.
"Hey, maybe I have cancer like my mom."
"Julia, really. I think you're kinda young for that."
"Really, feel my tits." She told him nervously as she sat up. "Dude, my bras are tight. Seriously, Jay, you know she had cancer."
"You don't have cancer."
"Then what the hell is wrong with me? I'm going to the clinic tomorrow."
"Ok. Want me to go with?"
"I can go alone. I need to refill my pill anyway." Julia replied, laying back in the grass. She hit the joint again. She lay thinking. "Jay."
"What?" He said, stubbing the joint to leave for her to smoke in the morning.
"Jay, shit, Jay. Maybe I'm pregnant?"
"Um, no.You're on the pill."
"But I stopped taking it, Jay, when you and me...oh, my God."
Jay got up and walked away, leaving her lay in the grass alone. Eventually she got up and went back inside. She crawled back into bed with her lap top, texted him, then started watching Family Guy. All she felt was distracted by her thoughts.
Jay did come back in 45 minutes. He'd walked to the market and then walked back. He tossed the bag on the bed. "Do it." He said as Julia pulled the pregnancy test from the bag. "You don't need a clinic for this." Julia went in the bathroom shadowed by Jay as she peed on the test strip and they both stood there waiting as the lines appeared. Not one but two lines. They compared the results to the directions several times. He put his arm over her shoulder as they stood staring at the positive pregnancy test. "Well, it's not cancer." Jay said sarcastically. "Jules, how did this happen? You are on the fucking pill."
"But we broke up, Jay. I stopped taking it."
"But I could have used condoms, Julia. You know. We spent months using them. I remember how to put one on."
"I started taking it again." She argued. "As soon as we got back together."
"What were you thinking, Jules?"
"What do you want me to do, Jayson. I don't think I could get rid-"
"No, absolutely not. I wouldn't expect you to do that."
"We made a baby, Jay."
"We didn't wanna make a baby, Julia. Jesus Christ." Jay groaned. "We're so screwed here. I can't believe this, Jules. What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking we were over, Jay." Julia argued.
"Did you think you were never going to have sex again though? Like if you hooked up with someone you'd need that."
"I didn't plan on hooking up with anyone. I wasn't in the state of mind for that."
"Eventually you woulda found someone if you didn't get back with me." Jay told her. "What if it was him? You'd be standing here with him."
"Oh, come on." She whined. "You can't say that. I haven't been near him in months, Jayson. Were you that careful with her?"
"Yeah, I was. She wasn't gonna do anything about it and I don't want any more-"
"I'm sorry, Jay. I restarted the pill. I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal. It wasn't that long for us and-"
"You didn't think." Jay left the bathroom. "I just sold all the freaking baby stuff, Julia."
Jay was starting to react to the positive pregnancy test. Thoughts were starting to churn through his mind about a not too distant future. To say he was anxious was an understatement. He rambled about clothes and diapers and crying babies and no sleep.
"Jayson, calm down, we do this everyday. You have done this before."
"But this one is mine. Being a brother and being a father are two different things. Oh, God." He stammered. He sat in the chair next to Julia's bed, leaning forward with his head in his hands. "With my brother and sister I can leave them and come back, but with my own kid...I can't ever leave."
"Jay, stop. Just stop." She said, trying to calm him. She went to him, knelt in front of him. He was crying.
"I can't believe I let this happen. From the beginning we played this the right way. We always, always thought about it and wanted to avoid it."
"Hey, it's my fault. OK. I take the blame here. It's my fault. You couldn't have known it would happen."
"But you made this decision for both of us, Julia."
"I didn't do it on purpose, Jayson. I explained that to you. If I had thought for a second that this would happen, I would have protected us. I would have said something."
"You should have. Before you let me do it, you should have."
"You're right." She agreed. "But I can't change it now. If I could go back and change things, I'd go back further than this. Compared to the rest of the bullshit that happened this year, this is good."
"You could always leave us, me and Alex and Tatia. You always had a choice to walk away or not come over or if you were sick to just hang back and get better. This you don't get to walk away from, you don't get a day off. Ever. That's what I am trying to say to you."
Julia thought a minute. "Jayson, this isn't about the kids. This is about our kid. I deserve some more credit than that. When have I walked away from her?"
"For a month this summer." He answered.
"Fuck you, Jay. Fuckin' ass. I didn't walk away from her, I walked away from you. If you would have let me take her with me I would have." She argued with him. "I can't believe you just said that to me. Do you know how hard that was for me? Sometimes we draw a line of when she is and isn't mine and that was one of those times that she was not mine. You think for a fucking minute I would have left her if I gave birth to her? Like we break the fuck up and I'm just supposed to pack up the baby and take her with me? And for the fucking record, they're not your kids either."
"Gimme the joint back." Jay told her, holding his hand out.
Julia went to her dresser and fetched it for him. He stood and gave her a kiss. "No more of this for you. I love you."
"Where are you going?"
"Home."
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