23- Lovers

"No, stay here. Stay in and get better. You've been sick all week."  Julia told Ellen and Cal.

"Julia, I won't miss homecoming, we have pictures to take and I want to celebrate this with you both." Ellen said, her voice frail hoarse. She looked weak and sickly. Her eyes sunken and her skin pale.  Cal didn't look much better, but he'd started to improve over all.

Julia and Andy cleared the dishes from the table and Andy started washing dishes.

"Tell you what. We'll get ready here and have the boys pick us up. We can do pictures right here before we leave."

"That sounds like a good idea." Andy added. "Then we'll go get Chess and Jess and take our pictures there."

Ellen sprung from the table and sprinted across the kitchen to where she vomited in the trash can. The soup she'd just eaten and the water that she drank. Ellen dragged herself down the hallway to the bathroom where she started cleaning herself up. She called her agreement down the hall. She could be heard vomiting again.

Andy and Julia got ready for the dance together. Andy put on his zoot suit and his gold shoes. Julia dressed all in white layers with the butterfly jewelry and her flats. She left her wet hair dry naturally and she scrunched her kinky curls with mousse and placed the rosebud headband in her hair. They posed in the bathroom mirror, making faces and took a picture together.

"Andy, you look great. I was unsure about that suit, but wearing it you look great."

"You look like a pixie."

"Is tonight the night?" Julia asked, taking Andy's hand. She gave him a squeeze.

"I think so."

They heard the side entrance door shut as Jay came inside. Jay came in the bathroom and kissed her hello. He unzipped behind her and started taking a leak.

"So, does he have any experiences with that?"

"Yes, but that's not it, our parents are here."

"Hello, we do it here all the time when your parents are upstairs." Jay mentioned, zipping up. He moved her aside to wash his hands. "You gonna let him pop your cherry?"

Andy blushed. He slipped quietly out of the bathroom.

"Jay you make him uncomfortable." Julia said, hushing him.

"Why? Andy, do I make you uncomfortable?"

"There's really no reason why he should. I mean it's just Jay." Julia shrugged.

Jay pulled off his hoodie and tee shirt, pulled the hair band out of his hair and left his hair down. "I got time for a quick shower right?"

"Go ahead, but hurry up." Julia said shooing him toward the bathroom. She caught Andy watching Jay. Jay closed the bathroom door. They heard the shower start. "Andy, keep it in your pants. You got a boyfriend."

"I know. But how do you not stare at him when he starts taking his clothes off?"

"Oh, he's always nude." Julia replied.

Julia and Andy head upstairs to check on Ellen and Cal. Jay found them after his shower in the living room, watching CNN. There was a CNN doc and a commentator having a discussion about the virulent strain of flu that was going around. He sat on the floor in front of Julia and handed her a brush. He'd already dried his hair, still warm from the hair dryer. She started brushing and then braiding his hair.

"That flu kills half the people that get it." Jay pointed out.

"It sounds ugly. I know." Julia said, "They're talking about quarantining some places."

"What's that mean, Julia?" Andy asked.

"Not sure. I'll google it later tonight."

"Should we quarantine them?" Jay asked sarcastically, motioning toward the bedroom.

Rey's mom, Luz, agreed to swing by and have pictures taken there. His mother had wanted to meet Ellen and Cal, even though they weren't meeting under the healthiest circumstances a quick and informal hello would be welcome. Their boys were quite close, the closest she'd ever seen her son with another person. His mother wanted to hopefully make plans to have them over for a meal and get to know each other's families.

Ellen couldn't get out of bed when the time came for photos. Cal did. He snapped plenty of pictures, met Rey's mom and made a rain check for dinner once Ellen felt up to it.

Luz stopped the minivan at Chess's house and more photos were taken of all the couples. Jess and her mom, Louann, were already there. Ray and Cass waited for friends to come get them. They posed for the family of photographers. All the couples lined up and put on their biggest junior homecoming smiles. The parents cleared out of the living room into the kitchen and gabbed for a bit before having to leave for the dance. Cass eyed Julia, walked up to her and surprised her by giving her a compliment on her dress for the night.

"Thanks, Cass. You look very pretty too." Julia replied, playing nice as long as Cass was playing nice.

"I'm sorry about the baby, Julia. That must have been hard."

"Thanks, Cass."

"I want to apologize, call a truce. I'm not saying we'll be best friends or even friends at all.  It's not our fight to have."

"I accept that. So, I'll meet you half way and apologize too. You're right. It's not our fight."

"Besides, Julia, I'm sure we can come up with something to fight over on our own."

"We always could, Cass." Julia replied. "So, you and Ray. That's great. How long have you 2 been together now?"

"It's been since the cabin weekend, Julia. A year. Hey, there's no trip planned this year because that was really fun last year."

"No, there's not. If we were to go we couldn't stop at any rest areas along the way."

"Ha, what a mess that was. How is your psychopath killer? He dropped off the face of the earth didn't he?"

"Oh, thank God. I was losing my shit for a while there. I still look over my shoulder, scared to walk around alone sometimes. And him-" Julia pointed at Jay, "He's my replacement stalker."

"What are you two talking about?" Jess smiled, sliding next to Julia.

"The past." Cass answered quickly, scanning the freshman next to Julia. She didn't see what Chess saw in her, but then again she didn't know Jess very well. Only saw her in passing when she was with Ray. "Oh, my, where's Chess?"

"Not sure." She answered, then stepped away to find him.

Cass shook her head. "Anytime you want her leave, ask her where Chess is."

"Awe, come on. That wasn't nice."

"Well, I'm not nice. And she's always so fucking happy. And excited." Cass rolled her eyes.

Ray motioned to her. "My ride. Hey, have fun tonight. See ya there." Cass walked away and left with Ray.

Julia began to wonder when they would be leaving. They had pre-dance plans that involved some weed and vodka. Rey and Luz finally stopped talking long enough to leave the house. Once the 2 started a conversation, they didn't stop.

She left them out of the van outside Shades Ballroom. They went behind the building to the pond and sat on the benches by the water. The moonlight bounced off the water, the fountain was spouting in the middle of the pond and its lights were brightly shining on it. Chess opened the vodka and they passed it around. He sparked the lighter and he, Jay and Julia shared a joint. Slowly they started back toward the ballroom. Feeling good and lifted, Julia told them they'd follow soon.

"What do you plan on doing with me, Julia?" He asked as he slid his hand beneath her white dress.

"Well, Jayson. I think we should make the pre-dance fuck a tradition."

"Where? Right here?"

"Why not?"

"That's my girl." He smiled.

As far as dances go, this homecoming was fairly typical. Low lights, a DJ playing the most up to date and popular music, a full dance floor. The music stopped and the lights came up briefly near the end for the announcement of the junior class homecoming king and queen. 5 boys and 5 girls stood in respective lines as their class president stood at the microphone. She announced the names of all the boys and girls on stage then announced the king first. Jay accepted his crown when the president announced his name, leaning so she could set it atop his head. The homecoming queen followed suit. Hayley stepped forward to accept her crown and then she and Jay posed for a picture. There was a customary king and queen dance, but Jay declined without hesitating and stepped off the stage as the lights went back down. He left Hayley alone on stage and the dance floor empty. The crowd had been holding their breath as to whether the two would set aside their past and their differences to dance. The floor filled quickly with their classmates and slow dancing resumed.

Jay and Julia went to their table and sat together, holding hands, looking out over the water of Shades pond. They reminisced about the dance from last year. The struggles and the changes they went through because of that one trip to the cabin. "Are you sure you want to start talking about that? You haven't drudged that up in a while."

"Ok, sorry. But it was fun, Jay."

"The trip? Yes, it was a good time." He agreed. "When my uncles were here, they offered to take me up there again, go hunting and fishing."

"Go, Jay. Spend time with your family. Kill some deer."

"Julia, I don't ever want to kill anything ever again." He said, squeezing her hand. He pulled her closer to him and put his arm over her shoulder.

They finished out the dance on the dance floor for the last two slow songs before going home. They walked from the Shades Ballroom the short distance to Julia's house. On their walk they watched as an occasional ambulance would pass. They figured there was an accident going on somewhere. Once they got to the house they found Cal putting Ellen into the car. Andy was upset, but Cal insisted he was taking her to the hospital. She'd been vomiting through out the entire day and he worried she was not going to improve at home. Cal, on the other hand, had started to feel much better. Andy wanted to go with her and was upset immediately. Cal told him no. He'd call with an update, but there would be nothing for him to do in an emergency room. The 6 kids went inside the house. Rey comforted Andy as he was worried about his mother. Jay and Julia went to the basement with Jess and Chess. Chess pulled out the bottle of vodka and Julia poured the punch in their cups.

Julia turned on the TV. The local news was still on, the news journalist outside the local ER that was flooded with people that night, all ill with the flu that was going around. From what CNN reported earlier, it started in Asia and had traveled the world at large from there. On planes and trains and cars and buses. "Hey, this is bigger than I thought. Look." Julia turned the TV up so they could all hear.

"My mom started getting sick this morning." Jess said. "But her cold medicine works."

The symptoms mimic the flu. High fever, muscle and joint aches, nausea and vomiting, generally feeling like you have been hit by a truck. Anyone who is not sick is urged to stay indoors and not venture out into the public. Julia opened up her laptop and looked on line for more information. "It says here any areas that have been contaminated should be cleaned with soap and water, then bleached. It also says that half the people that get this virus die."

"In a third world country maybe." Chess mumbled.

"Ellen might have this, Chess."

"Jules, put that away. She's in the hospital. They'll take care of her." Jay said.

Julia folded the laptop and set it on her table. Later, she thought, later. She planned on researching more. The virus that was going around sounded virulent and potent. What if one of them got it or one of the kids? What if it didn't stop with Cal and Ellen? What if they were living in a bio hazard?

"God, gimme a drink, please."

"Bottoms up." Chess said.

Andy and Rey came downstairs after spending a couple hours alone together. A couple hours later and too much alcohol imbibed, Julia and Jess lay on the bed together talking about their boyfriends. Jess asking questions about relationships and hoping beyond hope that she and Chess would last as long as she and Jay had. Andy and Rey joined their conversation after spending alone time in Andy's room. Andy looked like he'd never been more in love. Jay and Chess had enough listening to the 4 of them talk about boyfriends and love and went outback to smoke some weed.

"So, did you two get lucky?" Julia asked, slurring her speech. She struggled to sit up, but managed to do so as Jess did the same. Both girls were more than interested in that love story. Andy and Rey sat on the love seat across from them holding hands and smiling. Andy looked more comfortable and relaxed in his skin, sitting beside Rey. They didn't get a chance to really answer as the girls were white chick wasted. They sat and watched the two of them talking on the bed.

"What the hell are these two on?" Rey asked Andy.

"Vodka. That's all." Andy replied, shaking his head.

The two girls sat up again, then got to their knees. They faced each other and then their hands locked together. Julia leaned to Jess and kissed her. Jess kissed her back.

"What on earth?" Andy asked, looking toward the door where the boys would eventually walk through.

"They look like they're having fun. And the night could get interesting. If only Jayson would loosen up." Rey said, half kidding and half serious.

The girls separated. Julia and Jess looked at each other, giggling. "I kinda liked that." Jess said, kissing Julia's neckline where she normally would kiss Chess's neck.

"Me too." Julia giggled, cocking her neck to the right so Jess could continue. She touched Jess's chest, squeezing her breasts with her hands softly.

"If they only knew what they were missing in here." Rey laughed, moving closer to Andy.

Julia and Jess continued to kiss and touch each other curiously. Neither had been uncomfortable at that point. They were not paying attention when the boys came back in from outside.

Their eyes grew wide as they watched Julia and Jess on her bed. Rey and Andy stood up to head back upstairs. "I think this might be our fault." Rey whispered to Jay. "You're welcome."

"Yeah, uh, thanks."

Jay and Chess stood still, not sure whether to separate them or let them continue. Neither seemed to think it important to stop them from fooling around. "Am I dreaming?" Chess asked as he watched the girls, Julia with her hand up Jess shirt.

"I hope not." Jay answered, looking sideways at him. He whispered, "You're ok with this right? Because I am."

"I'm more than alright with this."

Julia and Jess removed their shirts, their breasts exposed they touched and tasted each other.

"I love your tits. Mine are so small." Julia told her leaning down to put her small nipple in her mouth.

"No, they're perfect. You're so pretty, Julia."

"Awe, thanks." Julia smiled, her speech still slurred as she tried to focus. Julia's fingertips played with the waist band on the sweats Jess wore. Julia sat before her only in panties. Julia moved them down a bit, but felt Jess tense up at her touch. Her curiosity peeked, wanting to touch her between her legs, feel someone else's wetness on her fingertips. Julia took Jess's hand and placed it between her legs, pressing Jess's hand against her panties.

Julia looked at Jay and Chess. "Jay, you wanna help us out, babe?"

Jay didn't hesitate, approaching the bed. He settled behind Julia on his knees and before touching Jess, he looked at Chess. He opted not to touch her at all instead he slid Julia's panties down, exposing the trimmed red patch of hair between Julia's thighs. Jay's hands roamed her body from behind. Jess set before the 2 of them, starting to feel more alone.

She motioned to Chess to hand the bottle of vodka to her. He held the bottle to her mouth and poured some inside. He set the bottle down and held onto his hand with hers as she touched Julia with the other. She manipulated her wetness, pushed her fingers gently inside of her. Chess helped Jess off with her sweats and Julia and Chess's fingers both dove between her legs. Julia fingered her as Chess pushed in and out of her with his fingers. They continued till Jess was quivering and coming over both of their hands.

Julia lifted a bit letting Jay pull her underwear off, then grinded back on him. She felt him undoing his pants, then settled back on him as she pulled Jess toward her. She kissed and felt Jess as Jay pushed into her. Chess pretty much followed suit behind Jess.

The girls drank down more vodka as they let their boyfriends fuck them.

"Wanna switch?" Jess asked her. She and Jay had interlocked fingers. Chess's hands were already exploring Julia and neither boyfriend seemed to complain when hands went everywhere. She and Julia pulled off of the boys, maneuvering around on the bed to switch off boyfriends. She could feel Chess behind her as she hesitated. He waited for her, it was up to her. Julia took Chess's hands and held them around her waist as she watched Jay with Jess. He was kissing her shoulder, watching Julia, but it was Jess who let Jay inside of her.

Julia turned from Jay, taking Chess between her legs as she lay down. Chess pushed inside of her and Julia wrapped her legs around his waist. Chess's lips were on her neck. "Take it easy, Chess." She whispered in his ear. "It's kinda big."

"K. Sorry." He agreed, doing as she asked. "You're tight. I'm gonna cum, Julia."

She could hear he was almost there in his breathing. She clenched her vagina around his length. Hold on. I'm almost there." She whispered in his ear as quietly as she could.

"I can't." He gasped, moving his hips faster, making her cum at the same time he did.

He started to slow a bit, but she urged him to keep moving, "Don't slow down yet." She lifted her bottom off the bed, arching her back a bit to meet him, feeling herself empty around his length.

The two separated and scooted off the bed where Jay and Jess were still going at it. Julia pulled the tee shirt back over her head and snatched the vodka off the floor as she led Chess to the stairs. She closed the door behind them at the top of the steps and gave him a kiss.

"Your girlfriend is amazing. I love her." Julia grinned.

"What about them?" Chess asked, taking a seat on the sofa.

"What about them? Leave them alone." Julia took him in the dark living room, flipped on the TV. Julia pulled her tee shirt over her head and sat on top of him. Julia lifted herself so he could push off his pants. "Do you know you were blessed with a big dick for a small guy?" Julia smiled.

"I've been told." He smiled back at her. "Glad you like it."

"Oh, I do." Julia giggled, taking a drink of vodka from the bottle she'd brought upstairs. She handed off the bottle to Chess who took a gulp.

22-All In The Family

Julia awoke naked next to Jayson when her alarm went off. Jay's cell was buzzing on the floor in his pile of clothes. She silenced the alarm and woke Jay up. He woke, grumbling that he hadn't gone home again. He had a habit of doing that lately. He and Julia would lay in bed late at night, lost in conversation, then he got lost between her legs. They'd lacked the usual sex after her miscarriage and when he got the go ahead from her, he didn't delay. In fact he took advantage of it.

He rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom, complaining his body was sore and he wanted to go back to sleep. Julia mentioned his phone was buzzing again as she turned the light on beside her bed. When he looked at his phone, he sunk into the chair next to it and tossed her the phone. His grandmother had died in the middle of the night. They'd been calling him since she had gone to the hospital from the Oaks care center. Julia tossed the phone back to him, told him to call Sandy.

"I'm at Julia's. Ok. I know. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm coming home now." Jay started to get dressed. Sandy had arrangements to make. A busy day, he'd have to stay with Tatia.

"Maybe Ellen could watch her while we're at school?" Julia suggested. "That's if you wanted to go. You don't have to obviously."

"I think I'm gonna go home and get high and watch the baby. Fuck school, Jules. I'll see you after work, right?"

"Yeah, babe." She answered. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The few arrangements that were made were for the family only. His grandmom didn't have much of a social life outside the house on Green Street and hadn't in years. The family was large and there would be a viewing and a service at the funeral home in Maverick. The matriarch of the family had died and whether or not there were many people that liked her or loved her, respects still had to be paid.

Jay told her they were coming. He warned her that the family was huge. Close members were staying at his house and others were staying at hotels. As they arrived to Maverick, extended family descended upon Sandy's house. Most not staying, but visiting and reconnecting nonetheless. His house was crawling with people Jay didn't know and would probably never see again.

Julia got a text on her phone, then the phone's unique ringtone she hadn't heard in months. Her booty call, her other half. She held the phone out to Jayson who answered it.

"What's up?" He asked. "Yeah, I know. Go ahead then." He was silent a minute. "Fine. Whatever." Jay handed her the phone back. "He's on his way here."

"And he called me? Jay, I-"

"He wanted you to tell me." Jay said, getting up from the table where they played a game with Alex.

"Where are you going?" Julia asked nervously. She didn't like the look on Jay's face.

"To meet my brother. Keep the kids down here."

"Jayson Keller, please-" Julia spoke, her voice cracking.

He walked away, up the steps. She kept Alex busy and she waited.

Jayson head outside, waiting on the porch steps with Chess. He shook slightly, anxious over what he was about to do. He shook the anger off him, or tried to, but the rage he felt came on him like it was the day he found out about them. Chess stood by the door and when the car pulled up to the curb, he watched Tavin and Callie get out and walk up to the house. He introduced Callie and let Chess take her inside. The door shut behind them. Jay didn't wait for a word to be spoken, he was on him and he beat him. He punched him down the steps, to the sidewalk, to the grass where they rolled and Jay wound up atop of him and he punched him till his face was bloody and Jay's knuckles were shredded. He didn't plan on stopping either. He went blank. Every ounce of anger he took out on him. He didn't stand a chance. Tavin did fight back, finally throwing him off of him. One punch and Jay was laid out on the ground in front of him.

"You done?" Tavin asked, wiping the blood from his face with his sleeve.

Jay jumped up, shaking off the punch and tackled him. It was then the flashing lights appeared, the sirens. A neighbor had called the police. The police officer had to pull Jay off of Tavin. It was Officer Ripkin. Jay's family started pouring out of the house when Officer Ripkin cuffed Jay and placed him in the rear of the patrol car.

Julia sat in the rec room with tears in her eyes as she heard the commotion going on upstairs. Chess and Jess came downstairs. "Do you wanna go up, Julia?" Jess asked.

"No, Jess. I can't." She answered. "He told me to stay here."

"But, Julia." She argued.

"No." Julia said firmly, looking away from them. She went back to the game and waited, but Jay never came. The hours passed, Julia got the kids ready for bed and spent her time avoiding Tavin and Callie. Julia was finally confronted by Tavin when she was smoking out back with Chess.

"Can you leave us alone, Chess?" Tavin asked.

"No." He answered.

"What do you think I'm gonna do?"

"I need to go home." Julia said, taking a hit on the joint. "Tell Jay to call me please when he gets home."

Julia went inside, followed by Tavin. She put on her jacket and gathered her back pack. "Julia, I didn't have him locked up." Tavin told her. "I wouldn't do that."

Julia looked at him, keeping her distance from him. He looked like hell, beat up. She wanted to go over to him, hug him, ask him how he was doing, meet his girlfriend and talk to her, do normal stuff. She placed her hand on her throat, squeezed a bit, remembered what Jay had told her. Her eyes plead with him to just shut up, go back to his girlfriend and leave her alone. She stood tall and firm, thinking she was strong enough to be in the same room with him. Despite the butterflies in her belly and the memories of him holding her, his strong arms around her. Then she thought of Jayson Keller, she reminded herself she loved Jayson. She loved her boyfriend, reminding herself of Jay's arms around her and holding her. 'He'd die for me.' She thought.

"He beat your ass." Julia observed, pointing to his face. "Should I apologize for him? What did you think was going to happen if you came here?"

"I was hoping for something different, Julia. I thought enough time had passed that-"

"You were wrong." She pointed out.  "Why are you here, Tavin? Why'd you come and bring your girlfriend and walk into this?"

"She was my family, too."

"There was no love there, Tavin."

"Julia, it's the right thing to do. I'd like to sit down and talk with you." He stepped closer.

"Tavin, do you think what he told you was a joke? Because I take him seriously."

"Julia, Callie's here with me." He said, rolling his eyes, motioning toward the living room.

"So what."

"You're acting like a kid. I am into her. Not you."

"Bull shit, Tavin and fuck you, Tavin."

Tavin smiled. "I get it. You're not over me, you didn't deal with it." He accused. He stepped forward to pass her going into the other room with his girlfriend.

Julia said her goodbyes and left the house. Chess and Jess caught up with her out front, "Hey want some company?" Chess asked, falling in step beside her.

Julia was crying. Jayson and Tavin and the fight. She was worried about Jay. "I'm tired of the drama, Chess. I'm just so tired." Julia mumbled. Chess put his arm over her shoulder. She tried to pull away, but he prevented her from doing that. He hugged her, held her tight and listened as she cried. Julia let it out, crying on his chest. Jess rubbed her back while she cried. She was a bit confused about all the tears, but let it unfold anyway.

They walked her home and went inside with her. Andy hung out in the basement with them, listening to the latest ordeal as it had played out. Jess and Andy got an ear full of the whole entire Tavin-Julia affair. She left out the most vivid details and left out the truck information, but it was clear when everyone left the room that Tavin had been more than Jayson's brother and the fight was bound to happen sooner or later.

Morning came, Jayson lay on a hard cot without a pillow or a blanket. He started doing what convicts do, laughing to himself as he did crunches and push ups in his small colorless and lifeless cell. Officer Ripkin unlocked his cage in the morning shortly before his shift ended. He left Jay out and walked him to the patrol car, placing him in the front seat instead of in the back seat. He gave Jay a talk, stating he believed Jay had learned his lesson. If there was going to be a next time, he was letting him go in the system. Finger prints, the court system, and all that entailed.

"Thanks." Jay told him before getting out of the patrol car.

"I have brothers, Jay. And usually when brothers fight it stays in the family."

"Thanks." Jay repeated.

"And I know that when brothers fight, they get over it and they move on. That's what family does. Right?"

Jay nodded, opening the car door. He stepped out then leaned down looking into the squad car. "I mean it. Thanks."

Jay closed the door and watched the patrol car drive away. He went inside the house, people lay everywhere. He went upstairs to his room. The kids slept and a few cousins slept on the floor. Big Deb slept in his bed. He went in Chess room, found him behind Jess. Luckily she faced the wall, didn't know Jay was there. Chess waved him away.

"I guess I'm staying up." Jay said to himself as he twisted the lock on the door before pulling it shut.

Julia met him at the funeral home. For a woman no one ever visited or liked, she had quite a crowd gathered around her urn of ashes. She had more flowers in death than she had friends in life. Julia tended to Tatia while everyone waited for the service to start. Tatia was getting rammy and there was only so much Julia could do to keep her calm and in line. Funerals were bad enough mentally, but having toddlers running around didn't help the situation, Julia believed. She finally decided to take Tatia out of the funeral home, but since Jay had gone missing with Tavin, Julia mentioned to Sandy that she was leaving. Once outside she started toward the bus stop. Jay and Alex joined her.

"Go back, Jay."

"We're done there." Jay shrugged. "It's all over."

"Where'd you guys go?" Julia asked.

"Me and my brother had a talk. Cleared the air. That's all." Jay replied, smiling. "And I'm ready to leave, just like you are. So let's leave." He took her hand and squeezed it. Julia looked at his knuckles, scabbed over.

"Was that necessary? Defending my honor or something?"

"Nope, babe, I was defending mine."

After the funeral they sat at the kitchen table, eating pizza and drinking soda. Julia's house had come to life with Tatia running around, Alex's video games on the iPad blaring. Chess and Jess had joined them. Andy had come home with a boy from school named Reynold and Reynold was notorious for being openly gay and proud of that. The group of friends at the table welcomed them, always room for more, but the fact that Andy was with Reynold indicated that Andy was as openly gay as his friend.

"You guys know Reynold." Andy said nervously.

"Uh, yes, we do. Hungry, boys?" Julia said, sliding them plates and pushing the pizza box toward them. Rey and Andy took off their coats and sat down next to each other.

"So are you guys together?" Jess asked, pouring soda into cups for them. She placed them in front of the boys. Jess's calling them out was amazing and funny at the same time. Andy hadn't even come out of any closet. Julia had no idea he was even gay. Andy evidently had a boyfriend.

"Well, Andy? Are you?" Julia asked. She noticed a hickey on Andy's neck, tucked the mental image of the two boys making out away in her mind. She was a bit baffled by the sudden outing of her step brother.

"It's not a secret." Rey answered for him.

"Andy, I'm just surprised is all. I didn't know you were- I mean I thought you were into -"

"I'm gay, Jules."

"Does your mother know this?" She gasped.  Jay plucked her arm. "No, I'm just finding this out now. I was-well, does she?"

"Umm, we've talked about it, Julia."

"You didn't talk about it with me. Did you forget to tell me you were gay the last year I have known you?"

"I didn't think it mattered."

"It doesn't, but you could've told me." She paused. "We're friends. That's something you tell friends, Andy."

"Honey, he's telling you now." Rey interrupted.

"Honey, I realize that." Julia spat at Rey. Julia went to speak, but thought better of it. "We'll talk later ok. I'm fine with this. Really. Welcome to the family, Rey."

"You are the queen of the castle.  Andy, I like her."

Julia laughed. "I am the queen, but I guess there's always room for another."

"OOoooh, I'm going to like you, sweetie."

Julia had never been around a gay person before. All the people she'd known were straight, so watching them interact was interesting. She tried not to stare, but it was nearly impossible. The way they were together was just like the way she and Jay acted together, but the only difference was they were guys. Julia had no idea that he didn't like girls. He'd dated girls before, but not really often. He hadn't mentioned once that he was the slightest interested in dating a boy. Julia thought he was just shy around girls. Then she felt bad because she lived under the same roof with Andy and never picked up on the fact he was gay. Ellen was aware and evidently her dad had been clued in, but Julia was in the dark. She didn't know whether she was just stupid or just oblivious to his tastes and interests. Then she started to worry about him, what he'd face at school and the possibility that he'd be the victim of some ass hole homophobe bullying a member of her family. There was so much information coursing through her brain, she found it difficult to focus on anything other than Andy's sexual orientation. Why wouldn't he tell me or feel comfortable enough to tell me something so personal? She wondered.

She knew one thing though, she liked Reynold and his company. He was articulate and funny, interesting. She understood why Andy would be interested in him. He was the kind of kid that could hold a conversation and had ideals, beliefs he stood up for. He could change the world one day, or at least he believed he could.

"Gotta go, kids. Mom's going to start lighting up this phone any minute." Rey announced. He put on his coat and Andy walked him to the door. Alex came into the kitchen, "Why are those boys kissing?" He asked them. "Boys do not kiss boys, Jay, right?"

"On that note, I'm going to get Tatia in bed. Jay, it's time for a talk."

The kids finally asleep, they moved to the living room. Jess and Chess had left to get her home on time. Jay fell asleep with his head on Julia's lap. Andy came downstairs and made some popcorn, then sat on the other side of Julia on the couch.

"So, you're gay." Julia said, munching popcorn, eyes trained on the television.

"I am. Does it bother you?"

"No, it doesn't. What bothers me is you didn't say anything. How long have we known each other?"

"Julia, I wasn't sure exactly how to tell anyone. I only recently told my mother. It's not something I went telling everyone but you."

"Ok, well, are you happy? Rey seems like a good guy."

"He is." Andy answered, holding her hand. "He's so strong about being himself and not making any excuses for it. That's what I love about him."

"Good, then, Andy. So you met at school?"

Rey had started a LGBTQ club at school to support and assist other students. Andy had heard about the club through the grapevine and went to one of the meetings after school. It was a bunch of kids sitting around an empty classroom talking about coming out and how to come out and their life experiences. The first meeting he stood outside the door looking in and then the second meeting he almost left until Rey had approached him and invited him inside. Rey was the first person he'd connected with. Andy needed that first connection because he knew no one else that was openly gay. He'd done some internet chat rooms he admitted, but they were full of pervs, the one's he'd found.

They went on a date. Rey and he went out, went to a movie and dinner. He'd met Rey's mom, his parents were separated. They'd been going out for a few weeks when Rey accused him of hiding their budding relationship and was offended being introduced as his friend instead of boyfriend. Rey had been the one who urged him to be truthful with himself before he was truthful with others. He chose not to live closeted. When Andy was ready to make that leap, Rey would be there to support him every step of the way. "He told me we'd have to be friends otherwise. I was so upset. To break up with me for that, but he was right Julia." Andy explained. "I made the choice to talk to my mom first, then told him what I'd done. He's so sensitive, he started crying and we celebrated with his mom that night. She took us to dinner."

"So, you're in love with him, Andy?" Julia asked seriously. "I mean it can't be easy walking around, like don't people bother you and say horrible things?"

"Not that much. I'm still uncomfortable with PDA, you know. I don't know how I'd react if anything were to happen. Rey's been through it. I'm not his first boyfriend."

"Oh, have you two done it yet?" Julia asked. She felt Jay stir, cringing. He had been awake, listening. Andy blushed. "Cause Jay tried sticking it my butt and it hurt."

"No, Julia." Jay groaned, trying not to laugh. Andy nearly choked on the popcorn in his mouth when that question came out.

"It's true though, Jayson" She argued.

"Just because it's true doesn't mean you should say it." Jay told her.

"Have you?" Julia asked. She and Jay looked at him.

"Not yet, no."

"Oh, ok, then." Julia shrugged. "So will he be coming around more often then? I like him."

"I think so, yeah. Things were good tonight."

"Like any other night." Julia added. "So has he met Ellen and dad yet?"

"I hoped they were home tonight when we got in, but they weren't here. You guys caught us by surprise." Andy answered. "How was the funeral? Everything over, everyone go home."

"Not everyone. They leave tomorrow."

"Why aren't you with your family then, Jay?"

"I am, Andy." Jay answered. "Ready for bed, Julia?"

"Yeah, I am. They get up early."

"Where are our parents, Julia?" Andy asked, covering with the blanket that Jay left on the couch.

"Don't know." She replied.

21- I'm fine

Julia was growing bored working at Silver Lining. There was only so much Christianity and spiritualism she could take and she had her fill. She wanted to quit and find an alternative, but had fallen into a pattern of laziness, lacking enthusiasm for any activities and school. She'd fallen into a depression one more time.

She walked the Square before heading to Jay's. There was a new shop called Astrid's Boutique that she wanted to check out  This boutique had handmade and uniquely made clothes and jewelry as well as some used stuff that wasn't junky. The homecoming dance was coming up and she wanted to find a dress to wear. Jay had bothered her about it several times. She'd ignored him the first few times, but he demanded to know whether they were actually going or not. He was one of the guys in line for homecoming king in the junior class. Julia scanned the racks in the store and finally found a white dress, cotton, light and layered. Each layer was trimmed with fine lace. She reminisced to last year's dance at the Shades ballroom. She'd been so happy then. She had a full schedule, busy but fulfilled. She had friends and always had fun. She'd been the strong one in the relationship. Jay had been the worrier, the doubter, the one that had the stress. The shoe was on the other foot. She appreciated that time so much more a year later.

"Hi, I'm Sia, do you need some help there?" The employee asked.

Julia, held the dress over her arm as she looked at the accessories that hung on the wall. "Not yet, no." Julia answered.

"That's a pretty dress you chose. Know what would look awesome with it? The butterflies. Come with me. There's a set over here." She said, placing her her hand on Julia's arm and guiding her to the jewelry set. She held up the butterfly, medium sized with bright colored wings on a green cloth necklace. There were earrings to match, same butterflies only smaller. They were painted with metallic pink and purple colors, very bright and eye catching.

"Yeah, that's pretty." Julia agreed, eying the store employee as she placed the jewelry on Julia. "Ok, I like it." Julia nodded.

"Oh, and this, definitely." She smiled, placing a small rose laced band on her head. "If you leave your hair down, you'll look like a fairie. You'll look so pretty. And the shoes, not heels, flats for sure, like ballerina slippers. Look at these, try them on."

"I don't know. You have my size."

"They'll fit, yes."Sia nodded. "What are you dressing for?"

"Oh, homecoming. My boyfriend's been bugging me about a dress."

"You don't sound real excited." Sis pointed out.

"Eh, I'm not really. I'm in a funk is all."

"Well, you put on this outfit and you'll look beautiful. Trust me, you'll come out of it."

"I'll take it. I just love this dress." Julia smiled.

"You look familiar. Where do I know you from?" Sia asked.

"Do you go to Mav East or West?" Julia asked, thinking maybe she knew her from school.

 "No, I'm new around here. Moved in with my sister when she opened the store. I'm in college anyway. Online though."

"It's still college right?" Julia smiled. "I do work down the block at Silver Lining. Maybe there?"

"The Christian store? Yeah, my sister shops in there sometimes. I bet I have seen you walking around here, too."

Sia bagged her purchase and handed her the bag over the counter.

"Well, thanks a lot." Julia told her.

"Hey, stop back anytime." 

Julia walked to Jay's house. She got Tatia and Alex from the house and took them outside into the yard. She let them play and run, threw the ball to Alex who practiced hitting. Jay came out and joined them for a bit before work. A rousing game of baseball and five innings later, Jay left for work. He told Julia to do homework with Alex before she left for home.

"Come on, Jay. What were you doing when you got home?" She whined.

He leaned into her ear, "Jerking off."

"Jerk." She muttered. "Funny. Haha."

"It's true. I want some later." He called, leaving the back yard.

Julia took them inside, gabbed with Sandy while she made dinner. Sandy was still a bit distant around her, which stemmed from the summer drama. Julia worked around the tension, being the same girl she'd always been in Sandy's company. She never once gave Sandy a personal reason to dislike her. Truth be told, Sandy was just as tense with Jayson. In the end, her son had been hurt by their actions. That was what mattered to her.

Chess and Jessie emerged from the basement for dinner just as Jessie's mom arrived to share a meal with the family. Chess and Jessie had a great bond forming between them, one that was starting out stronger than anything he'd had with Hayley.

"Julia, are you staying for dinner too?" Sandy asked, offering an invitation.

"Umm, would you mind? I'd like to hang with the kids a while longer? Get them ready for bed, tuck them in."

"You miss having them around all the time?"

"Uh, yeah. I didn't realize how much time I spent with them till I moved, then they moved here. The separation kills me sometimes."

"Julia, you're welcome to take care of them whenever you want. You don't have to ask."

"How's your mom doing?"

"Still the same. The doctors don't see any improvement and she's wasting away on that ventilator. I don't know what to do for her."

"How about hospice? My mom was on that at the end, Miss Cammie was awesome."

"In order to do that we'd have to take her off the ventilator. It would pretty much end right there."

"And it's not time yet? For her or for you?" Julia asked.

"Both."

Julia cleared up Alex's work off the table and she and Jessie set the table with place settings. When the moms turned their backs, Chess grabbed Jess's breast or ass cheek. Julia smacked him on the arm, told him to knock it off.

"Hey, did you ever get to that place I told you about?" Julia asked Jessie.

"Yes, we did. We went together and checked it out."

"And you got what you needed."

"Yes, we did." Jessie replied. "By the way I'm sorry about what happened, you know, with the baby. Chess told me."

"Thanks, Jess." Julia frowned, thinking back to the night of her party. All that blood. Bloody water, blood everywhere. "All the more reason to be safe, right."

Julia sat down with the family and ate dinner. She fussed with Tatia who'd grown defiant as of late. She stood to eat in her chair when she was in the chair. Sandy left her run unchecked instead of sitting and eating like a normal person.

"Tatia Rose Keller," Julia called, raising her voice. Everyone at the table fell silent. Tatia turned and looked at her. "Chair. Now." Tatia chugged to the chair and crawled onto her seat. She attempted to stand. Julia corrected her. "Sit down. Eat." Tatia started to eat, every couple minutes she sneaked a look at Julia to see if she was paying attention or not. When she realized Julia was still giving her the death stare, she went back to her plate quietly.

"Sorry," Julia announced. "I couldn't eat with all that toddler drama there."

"Well, thanks cause she does that every night." Ray told her.

"She's not allowed to do that. Ugh, let her do it once and it's all over." Julia said, eyeballing the toddler again.

"Can you eat with us every night then?" Ray asked.

"She doesn't do it with Jay either." Jessie pointed out.

"Sandy is Aunt Sandy. Julia's her mom."Chess added.

"Well, she should live with Julia then." Ray said. "Can we take a vote here? Cause she's outta control."

"Funny, Ray. Eat please." Sandy told him.

Julia looked at the toddler, the feisty and sassy Tatia Keller. Out of control because Julia was failing at her job, the job she'd taken when she was an infant. She had been slacking. That needed to change.

Julia and Jessie cleaned the table and loaded the dishes into the dish washer. Julia still thought of Tatia. There had to be a way to reverse the absence Julia had created in her life, right the wrong. The girl needed her, a mom that wouldn't slack or drop the ball like Sandy. She needed a mom that was right in the head. She needed Julia at her best, not at her worst. She was ashamed of herself. She let the girl down and Alex too.

Julia's work wasn't done yet. After making coffee for Sandy and Louann, Jessie's mom. She told Alex to get his shower and when he was finished, she gave Tatia a quick bath. Jess kept her company, dragging herself away from Chess for a bit, but all she did was talk about Chess. How loving he was, how caring, how gentle, how sweet. Julia was about to vomit when she changed the subject to homecoming. She had her dress already and her mom was going to let her stay out later than usual just so she could go. She was excited about it. Chess had his suit all ready. Julia told her she bought her dress, in fact it was in the living room hanging on the coat hook. Jess wanted to see the whole outfit and when Tatia's bath was done, she took her downstairs and showed it to her.

"It's too pretty, Julia. You're gonna look beautiful."

"I don't even wanna go, but I am. Jay's gonna be homecoming king."

"No, he's not, Chess is." Jess argued.

"Ok, then, Chess is." Julia smiled, correcting herself. "May the best junior win."

Jay could win on best smile alone, Julia thought. He was the whole package. Smart, athletic, popular and handsome, hardworking, caring and outgoing and he stuck up for people. Julia had only heard rumors of how he was at school with other people and when they said he had a heart of gold, they meant it. Seeing him at school, going with him to Mav West everyday, she got to see the fan club in full swing. Jay really did know everyone and he treated all people fairly. There were ass holes in the bunch, but he never lost it with them. They were few and far between, the ass holes. He rolled with any and all cliques. He could blend in and out of any crowd.

Julia tucked the kids in, Alex with his ipad, reading for the next day at school and Tatia with her blankie she'd slept with since she was born. Kisses all around, then she gathered her things and left to walk home. Louann drove her home though, not wanting to let her go alone in the dark to her house. Jess got to see where she lived and she was welcome any time, Julia told her.

She made small talk with Ellen and Andy while she did her own homework.  She did what she could, but her thoughts weren't with her homework. Her thoughts were with the kids and the distance between them. She had a lot of thinking to do ahead of her. She had to get herself back. She had to work back to the person she was, the girl at homecoming last year before the cabin trip, before the stalker, before Tavin, before the break up and the move and the miscarriage. Before the sadness and the doubts, before her spirit had been fractured into a million little pieces.

She showered and went to bed, falling asleep watching CNN. News centering on a flu like infection that had cropped up here and there across the nation. The commentator called it 'the new flu'. Hospital emergency rooms were gradually filling up and sending people home with a list of common treatments suitable for any flu like symptoms.

She awoke to Jay moving into her bed beside her. His hard on was poking her panties, which she slid down, allowing him to insert himself inside her. He made love to her from behind like that with Julia grinding back against him while he kissed her neck. His arms around her, one on her breast and one between her legs, fingering her while he moved in and out of her till he came. He continued to finger her til she came shortly after he did.

They lay quietly in the dark, the tv the only light on them.

"Julia, are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She'd answer automatically. "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine."

"Define fine." Jay urged, snuggling into her blankets beside her.

"I love this time of night. When you come over and get in bed with me and hold me. I feel safe and happy and so fine. It's when time passes, the sun rises. I'm forced to get up and go through the day. I feel so lost, Jayson." She explained.

"I don't like seeing you like this."

"Desperate? Sad? Lost? Bored? Empty? I can't wait til this year is over. We have been through so much and I just am out of energy. I have been through hell, I was raped and can't tell anyone about it. And then all the rest that followed it, then we broke up and I shattered into a million pieces. Then we got back together. I have lost friends. I have lost my baby. I am desperately trying to figure out how not to lose myself. And I'm hurting with this bottomless sadness. There's the angel on one shoulder telling me to get up, go through the motions, better things are ahead of me. Then there's the devil on my other shoulder whispering sweet nothings in my ear. It's a constant battle between being strong and being weak."

"Well, fuck, Julia." Jay sighed, squeezing her tighter around her waist.

"How do you get through it? We shared all of this together, Jayson. How do you bounce back without losing your mind? Cause I'm jealous, babe."

"Maybe, Julia, maybe, have you considered maybe you're like bipolar or something? Maybe you need medication."

"I'm not bipolar. Jesus Christ."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know. I can see an end to this, Jayson. There's an end to it. A better end to it. Something different. I don't know what that is, but it's there somewhere." Julia explained. "Don't you think so?"

"It is what it is, we can't change it."

"So that's it? And you're ok with that as the excuse or an answer?"

"I have to be. There' s no other way to deal with shit, Julia. It just is what it is."

"It just is what it is." She repeated. "Why does it have to be the way it is?"

"Quit asking why. You can't control the why."

"Who does then?"

"God?" Jay suggested.

"Don't you dare pull that God stuff on me." Julia cautioned.

"Whatever you believe then. I don't know, babe. The universe? Karma? The yin and the yang? Or just bad fucking luck, Julia. Justify it any way you want."

"Trying to figure out the why is just avoiding the fact that it happened. I survived. Either way, I lived through it. There must be a reason, right?"

"The universe will let you know what that reason is one day. Just not today."

"Ok, then."

20-Letting Go and Holding On

Jay went to Chess' room when he got back to the house. Chess sat on his bed watching you tube videos, wearing head phones. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Jay pushed through the door. He pulled off his head phones. Jay held out a bag of weed in front of him, the bag he had bought on the way to Julia's. Chess reached for it, but Jay held it away from him.

"What the hell?"

"Trade? I want alcohol."

He got off his bed and started rummaging through the back of his closet. He handed him a small bottle of vodka. Jay handed over the weed, which Chess preferred.

"Thanks." Jay said and left the room.

He went downstairs, took a soda from the fridge and went out back. Jay sat on the deck in a chair in the dark, listening to the bug zapper buzz as the bugs flew into the glowing blue light. Jay started drinking. He pulled out his phone and started looking at his pictures of Tatia when she was born, his thumb sliding the pics aside one by one. His thumb hovered over one pic of Julia holding Tatia when she was an infant, the baby sleeping on her chest.

"So what's going on now?" Chess asked, taking a seat beside him on the deck. He lit the joint and took a hit. He offered Jay a hit, which he took. He passed it back and took a drink. Jay was quiet.

"I fucked up." Jay answered.

"Again."

"It's what I do best." Jay laughed.

Jay continued to swipe through the pics on his phone. His life played out before his eyes from Tatia's birth through the present day. Pictures of his friends and brother. He'd saved them all, he hadn't deleted them. Chess looked over his shoulder.

"Good times. That was a fun weekend. Before everything went to shit." Chess told him, looking at a picture of all of them at the cabin. Photos around a campfire. "How is Julia?"

"She's pregnant." Jay replied, putting his phone on the table beside him.

"Yours?" Chess asked.

"Yes." Jay nodded. He took offense to his sarcasm, but he let Chess take his hits with his comments. Sometimes they were deserved.

"Think we'll ever have it back the way it was? Be able to hang out and be friends again?"

"Eventually." Jay said. "Your dad was right. In 10 years none of this will matter."

"It matters now." Chess told him.

"I can't say or do anything other than I'm sorry and I won't do it again."

"Hayley always told me I never mattered to her. She always told me we weren't in a relationship. That we were just friends. It was me that didn't believe her." Chess confessed. "So I'm not surprised about what happened. What surprised me was you. You went there with her."

"You were not supposed to know."

"I knew she was messing with someone. But I didn't know it was you." Chess said. "I would have done the same thing."

"What?" Jay asked.

"I would have. The day I found out, I went over her house-Julia's. We got drunk together. I kinda hit on her, but she thought I was joking around or at least she played it off that way. But if she had taken me seriously I would have fucked her."

"OK," Jay replied, puzzled. He didn't know how to respond to that.

"You fucked my fat girlfriend." Chess laughed.

"She wasn't fat." Jay laughed.

"And I would have fucked your girl. I would have destroyed that pussy. And I would have told you about it."

"She doesn't like you like that." Jay said honestly.

"You thought it was me though. In the beginning."

"No I didn't. Your mom did. She came up with that idea, not me." Jay argued. "I never thought of you. Not once. I trust you with her. Look, if anything happens to me, make sure that they're ok. I mean her and the baby. Make sure they're not alone. Please."

"You're not going anywhere, Jay. Where would you go?"

"If that shit comes down on us..."Jay thought aloud. "I won't let Jules take part of the fall anymore. Not now. Not with our kid involved, ok. It's all on me."

"Jay, are you serious? Do you think that's the way it would really go down? We would all step up, Jay. We were all there. I never thought of letting you two hang for what I took part in. Not once. That was your idea. I never agreed to it and neither did Hayley. What do you think had her all fucked up?"

Jay finished his drink and gave Chess the other half of the Vodka back. He was feeling good and numb, didn't want to over do it.

"I don't want our girls involved in it." Jay said.

"I'm not a fucking girl. And no one's looking. No one cares. It's been that way from the beginning. I can't believe you're still worrying about this. Let it fucking go."

Not all of it. The gun and the knife were buried under a tree in a lock box. Julia had the books and the trophy box. Parts of that man still lingered. Even if it were all gone, Jay still had his memories. He remembered it all. When he slept, it haunted him. The dreams still came. Chess told him to let it go, but he didn't know how.

Jay crashed on the sofa after their conversation. The TV sound on low. Alone with his thoughts of what was, what is and what will be.

Jay woke up and went running. The sun was barely up by the time he hit the track at Mav West. He did laps, listening to his music play. He saw her, but he ignored her. Kept running and pretended to be oblivious to her until she was so close to him he couldn't deny her presence anymore. She stood directly in front of him, then fell beside him as he ran. She reached and pulled the ear buds out of his ears. Hayley wasn't dressed to exercise, but kept up with him. "You need to listen to me, Jayson." Hayley said. "Stop running, please." Hayley told him, giving up her trot. She watched him run around the track till he got to her again. "I want to talk, Jayson. Dammit, I'm not chasing your ass."

Jay stopped, facing her, still jogging in place. "So speak." He ordered.

"I miss you, Jay." She announced, reaching for his hand. Jay pulled away before she touched him.

"Stop, Hayley."

"I miss the way things were, they way we were, all of us, Jay."

"There's no us anymore, Hayley. There's no all of us anymore."

"We had something good."

"What we had was a mistake."

"You don't miss me at all? We are close."

"I made a decision to start it and I made a decision to end it."

"You didn't give me a say. You just walk away like that."

"Yes, Hayley. Just like that."

"Look, I wanna hook up. You free tonight? We can hang out, have fun."

"No, Hay. I don't wanna hang out with you."

"You hooking up with someone else?" Hay asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"There's a million other dicks out there. Go find one."

"Fine, Jay. Whatever."

"Having trouble finding one are you?" Jay taunted her.

"Fuck you, Jay."

"Fuck you back, Hayley."

He began to think fat Hayley and skinny Hayley were two different people. Obviously she had her confidence back. He watched her ass as she walked away, no more jiggle. No more fat and round plump ass for her. That ass that looked so good from behind. Jay shook that thought out of his head and moved on with his day. He had other things to think about.

He ran back home, showered and waited for the house to start coming to life. Chess was first, going into the kitchen. He got himself some cereal and stood in the doorway to the living room as he spooned it into his mouth.

"Hayley called me." He said, chewing on his captain crunch.

"What she want?"

"To hook up." He answered.

"You gonna do it?"

"No." He answered, shaking his head. "But this dick needs to get wet though. Spent the fucking summer trying to get in Jessie's pants."

"Who the fuck is Jessie?"

"Jesslyn. From down the block." Chess answered. "Hey, she has a pool." He shrugged.

"Ain't she 12?"

"Two years ago. Anyway, all she lets me do is play with her tits."

"What's the problem?"

"No clue. I did everything but ask nice."

"Well, try that."

"Fucking virgin, I swear."

"Tell her what she wants to hear, then. She doesn't wanna give it away to someone she's not sure about, someone who's only around to hang out cause she has a pool."

"She wants a boyfriend." Chess said.

"Give her one."

The house did come alive all at once, the kids, the Sandy, then Ray. The house cleared out as fast as it came to life. Chess went to get himself a girlfriend, Ray disappeared with friends, Sandy went to her spin class. That left Jay and the kids till Julia came over. She'd gone to the clinic when she got up in the morning. They confirmed she was pregnant, discussed her options and gave her some prenatal vitamins before sending her on her way.

"So what now?"

"Now nothing. We wait. And I have to find a GYN, which means telling my dad. But I have awhile before that needs to happen." Julia informed him. "So what are we doing today? Anything good or just the back yard?"

The yard it was. They watched the kids play, they filled up the pool for them so they could get cool. The usual summer afternoon. When Tatia laid down for a nap, so did Julia. Jay and Alex went to the house to finish what needed to be done there. What didn't sell was being picked up by the donation truck. What was left after that went in the trash. Their life there was done.

They readied for school. The new uniform policy at Mav West was in effect and they shopped complaining all the while. Sandy took them all to the outlets and they found what they wanted at their favorite stores and new shoes. Each got three uniforms to start out, then they'd go from there. She bought all Alex's uniforms at Walmart, but the boys wanted name brand clothes. Julia had been invited to tag along with them, but declined to stay home and watch the kids. She was happy with her Walmart uniforms and thought she'd only be getting fatter as the months passed. She didn't want to waste good money on name brand clothes that wouldn't eventually fit her.

Julia's work hours also changed. Rachel liked her enough to keep her around. Rather than have her resign, she'd work 4-6 in the afternoon a couple days a week then on Saturday, her busiest day from 10am to 6pm. Julia agreed to that without hesitation because she liked her job and she liked her shop. Jay quit working at Mr G's and found a job at a pizza shop in the evenings.

"Can you stay awake long enough to go Jessie's house?" Jay joked with her after waking her up.

"Definitely. Will there be food there? I'm hungry." She answered.

"Yes, her mom is grilling, babe."

Julia changed into her bathing suit and cover up. "I'm hungry now." She groaned, climbing the steps from her room to the kitchen. She came back in a minute with a couple Twinkies and a water bottle. She offered one to Jay.

"No, thanks."

"Mmm, they're so good, Jayson." She said biting into the first Twinkie. "So who is this Jessie? Never heard of her."

"Chess's girlfriend." Jay replied, propping his feet on her bed. Julia sat on his lap. She offered Jay the last bite of the Twinkie. "Jules, no. I don't like them."

"How can you not love these?" She asked impatiently. "Your baby loves them."

"Gonna make you fat." he said. "But if that's what you want to eat then go ahead."

"I'm gonna get huge Jay."

"Go ahead. More to love." He said, putting his arms around her waist. He put his hands on her belly.

"So, let's go. I'm still hungry. Think her mom will make hot dogs?"

He and Julia walked back to Jessie's house. Chess was already in the pool and Jess was hanging on him as they floated around. She wanted a boyfriend and Chess gave her one for sure. Chess created a monster, finally popping her cherry then she wouldn't get off him. Ever. She was undoubtedly in love. Julia watched her all afternoon, grinning from ear to ear, touching him, holding his hand, constantly trying to meet every need he had. Chess ate it up.

"Geeze, Jay. Please tell me I wasn't like that." Julia said as she ate her third hot dog. "She's a keeper though. A sweetie."

"You were like that. A long time ago."

"I think you were like that more than me." She argued. "You were always so attentive."

"And now."

"Not as much. But neither am I." She replied.

"She wanted to meet his friends and family."

"And Chess chose us?" She laughed. "Anyone else?"

"Ray's coming with Cass." Jay replied. "And he's bringing a bunch of other people they know. From school."

"She doesn't know what she's getting herself into."

Jess' mom cooked them a big meal, had salads and chips, drinks. She didn't spend a lot of time getting in the way of the kids in the back yard, but made her presence known. She made it clear she wouldn't tolerate any alcohol or drugs to each person that came through her yard. She's a cool mom, but made her limits clear up front. The music got started and the pool got used. Jesslyn met everyone, but gravitated toward Julia who was there for the food more so than the pool.

"You're awful hungry, Julia." Jess noticed as she stood next to her at the food table. "When's the last time you ate? Gosh."

"I eat all the time. I'm famished all the time."

"You're so skinny. Wow, I gotta watch what I eat all the time."

"Eat whatever you like. Boys will like you either way. Trust me." Julia told her.

Julia invited her to sit next to her at the picnic table. She wanted the scoop on her and Chess. She'd had a crush on him since they were kids. He started hanging out after he and Hayley broke up. They spent the summer getting to know each other as friends. He always wanted more from her though.

"Like what?" Julia asked.

"You know." She replied shyly.

"Sex." Julia suggested.

"Shh, yeah. But he was always so...I don't know. Like he'd come and go."

"And then."

He stopped coming and going a few weeks ago. He talked to her, said he had been hurt and wasn't ready in the beginning to have a girlfriend. Then all of a sudden he changed his mind. He was ready for a girlfriend and to be in a relationship again. Jesslyn practically gushed when she told Julia her story. She'd been happy, that's what she wanted and had asked him for a few times. She had wanted a commitment. He gave her one.

"So you two are an item now?"

"Yes. I'm so happy with him. I can't believe this guy I've been crushing on is mine. He's so awesome, Julia." She smiled as she talked about Chess. "How long have you been with Jay?"

"Uh, about a year and a half."

"He's so cute."

"He is." Julia agreed. "He's a good guy. That's what matters, Jess. That he has a good heart."

"The sex is amazing." She whispered.

"Are you protecting yourself?"

She was quiet a moment. "He does. We use condoms."

"Every time."

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?"

"We ran out once. So he pulled out."

"No. Don't ever risk it. There's a clinic you can go to. I can go with you if you want. Or you two can go together. Your mom doesn't need to know."

"What do you use?" She asked.

Lord, Julia thought. "The pill. But there's a bunch you can choose from. And they have free condoms."

"I'll talk to Chess. I want to go with him."

"I'll text you where the place is. One bus and it's done."

"When should I go?"

"First thing in the morning." Julia answered. "Don't wait."

Cass sat down at the table with them. Her hair drenched from the pool, she wrung it out with a towel. "What are you guys talking about?"

"School. We're both noobs, Cass." Julia answered before Jesslyn opened her mouth.

"I don't think either one of you will have any trouble." Cass said, wrapping in her towel.

"How are you Cass? Haven't heard from you in a while."

"Good. Me and Ray found some new friends." She replied.

"Good for you. Glad to hear it."

"Not that I was choosing sides or anything you know. I just prefer to not be in your drama."

"I prefer to not be in my drama too. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way." Julia replied, drinking some of her tea.

"Life goes on right? Doesn't matter who gets hurt?"

"We've all been hurt. You had nothing to do with it. You're that much of an expert on my life? Jay's?"

"Hayley's?"

"Thought you didn't choose sides?"

"I haven't. But I have my opinions. So does everyone else."

"Opinions are like ass holes, everyone's got one."

"You were always a pretentious little fuck, Julia."

"And you were always a jealous little fuck, Cass."

"Um, Julia, Cass. Can we talk about something else?"

"His brother, Julia? That was low." Cass spat at her. "Which one did you like best?"

"Brothers, Cass, you have experience with brothers don't you? Which one do you prefer?"

When the course of the conversation started to get loud and personal, Jesslyn slid away from the table and went to the pool and got Jay and Ray, then followed them as they went to the table where Julia and Cass sat. The two had stood up and were verbally exchanging their opinions, a history that Jesslyn knew nothing about. Julia knew as soon as she heard Cass's name that there would be trouble. Cass never could keep her mouth shut. This wasn't her first go around with her and it wouldn't be the last. The more Cass said, the more Julia wanted to punch her. She had to restrain herself. Ordered herself to restrain herself. If there hadn't been a baby inside of her, she would have hit her. She would have broken her nose just like she shattered Jay's not too long ago.

Jay and Ray got in between them, Jay pulling her aside. Ray took Cass away.

"Are you nuts, Julia? Were you seriously going to fight her?"

"No, Jay. It took all I had to restrain myself. But I wasn't going to let her sit there running her mouth without defending myself." Julia paused. "Look, I'll leave. I don't want to ruin the party. It's Jess's home. Not mine."

"I'll come with you."

"No, you stay. Have fun. It's no big deal, Jay."

Jay went and gathered their stuff. Jess came over and said bye to them, but urged her to stay.

"I'm sorry, Julia. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want you two getting into a fight."

"You did the right thing, Jess. I'll text you."

"Maybe we could hang out sometime?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, that sounds fun." Julia agreed. Julia pulled her cover up over her head, gave Jess a hug. "Watch what you say around her."

Jay and Julia went inside via the side entrance. They spent the walk home arguing about Cass, that he had to leave. But they agreed that they liked Jess. Julia worried that Chess only told her he'd be her boyfriend to get in her pants. Jay agreed with her about Jess. She was a pretty girl. A short girl with short blond hair, brown eyes and a perky smile. A happy person with a bounce in her step. "Think he'll break her heart?" Julia asked. "Because her story about how they got together was just too romantic."

"She wanted a boyfriend and he gave her one." Jay told her. "But he does like her. She's nice to him."

"I don't think she knows much about him though. She seemed surprised about our drama. She knew about Hayley as a past girlfriend, but beyond that I think she's clueless."

Julia stripped off her cover up and bathing suit. She got close to Jay, pulled his tee off. She guided him toward the shower, both getting inside under the warm water. They made love under the stream of water till the water ran red. They stood still, watching the blood run down Julia's legs. The water circling the drain was red.

"Julia, what do we do?" Jay asked, staring at the water.

"I don't know, babe."

They rinsed off, got out of the shower. Julia waited a while to see if the bleeding would stop, but it only increased. She'd gone upstairs and got some pads from the bathroom, but was soaking them through. She started to get scared and Jay told her to get Ellen. She sat in the living room chair watching NCIS reruns. Andy laid on the couch dozing off.

"Ellen, can I talk to you please?"

"Sure, Julia. What's up?" She asked, looking at Julia from her seat.

Julia looked at Andy, then back at Ellen. "I need, I think I need to go to the ER." She said nervously.

"Why?" Ellen asked, looking her over. "You look fine to me."

"Um, I'm bleeding."

Jay suddenly appeared from the basement, standing in the kitchen by the fridge. Julia looked at him nervously.

"Bleeding, Julia? And you're not supposed to be bleeding?" She asked, rising from her chair. "Are you pregnant?" She noticed Jayson in the kitchen.

"Yes." They both answered.  Julia explained, " A couple months. Not far along, but I'm bleeding really heavy."

"OK, then. Let me get dressed." She said, heading to her bedroom.

They spent four hours in the ER for a doctor to send her home with information they already knew. They'd done an ultrasound to confirm it, told her to follow up with her clinic in a few days. They dropped Jay off at home then went back home themselves. Julia explained the entire story to her while in the ER, the same excuses she'd given Jay.

Julia explained why she didn't tell them. She didn't have to till she needed a doctor and prenatal care.

"Julia, it's going to be ok. I know that it feels really bad right now."

"Why though? They didn't tell me why."

"No one can. Julia, these things happen sometimes. In a few years when you're ready to have a child, it'll be different."

"How do you know, Ellen?"

"Because it happened to me, Julia. I have had a miscarriage. I had two in fact before I had Andy. It's a loss and you should grieve this loss. You will be ok though. I promise."

"Jay's not showing it, but he's just in shock. He didn't want this to begin with. It was all my fault."

"You two need to deal with it together. And you didn't get yourself pregnant. You had help. Make sure you don't let it happen again. You're really not ready for this."

"All the other options didn't apply to us. We planned on taking responsibility for the baby. We both have jobs. We want to finish school. We have experience with kids. We tried to think positive." Julia said through her tears. "All the stuff that happened this year, we looked at this like a blessing, you know."

Julia went to her room once in the house. She texted Jay she loved him, but didn't get a response.  She texted him again, waited. She sat alone on her bed in the dim light of the TV, crying. She erupted in tears, crying into her pillow, wanting to fall asleep, but failing. She cried till she felt like she was suffocating. She called Jay instead of texting.

"Jay, answer the phone. Jay...I'm falling apart, babe. I need you."

Jay and Chess stood on the back deck smoking. Jay looked up at the stars on the amazing clear night. He felt like shit, but he wasn't breaking down. Chess had tried to make sense for him. He hadn't wanted a baby of his own even though he felt the loss. Neither of them were ready to face that responsibility, but were ready to assume it. Jay only wondered whether he'd lost a son or a daughter. Of all the things he and Julia had discussed, it had been names. They had months to decide, but wanted just the right name for the new Keller baby. Julia had suggested Jayla, which had been a combination of both their names, and had both agreed. Jay declined on having a namesake. Jayson wasn't a name he wanted to carry on forever. Both seemed assured it would be a girl. Jayla Keller.

He'd listened to the doctor when Julia had zoned out. There was no medical reason for a miscarriage. Jay had worried that their having sex had caused it. He waited till Ellen left the room to take Cal's phone call and he asked the doctor straight out if they had caused it when they were doing it in the shower. The doc was honest, "This is not your fault."

Ellen had been the most helpful to both of them. Having been there twice before Andy had been conceived, she was able to put her past into the present and help the both to try to make sense of something that was unfathomable. She knew they were sad and that they had questions, the top question being why. Her losses had been nearly two decades, but she still wondered why. She'd done her best to reassure them, explain that they'd heal in time. But to treat the loss as a loss. They'd need each other to heal.

"Why'd you come home? You're a fucking wreck." Chess asked.

"Because she dropped me off." He answered.

"Is Julia ok?"

"No. She's all fucked up. She won't stop crying. She texted me and called me already." Jay explained. "I should go back. She shouldn't be alone."

"Go ahead."

"I'll be back when she falls asleep. For the kids."

"No you won't. You're own kid comes first. Get outta here. I got them."

"Really? You got them."

"Yeah, I got a girlfriend. Jess can help me. She wants to be part of the fam."

Jay texted her back,  'I'm on my way'.

Jay got in bed with her, curled up beside her beneath her blanket. She rested her head on his chest. She cried herself to sleep.